Expect the Unexpected
by lily anson
Summary: Written for a contest elsewhere. About the story: sayid and sawyer background ****spoilers set after, or at the end of "Confidence Man". Season 1 episode 8.*** I really was trying to write this as a short story, promise. Warnings: Adult Situations, Hurt/Comfort, Language, m/m, Rape - Implied, Sexual References, Violence - Mild
1. Chapter 1

Sayid watched Sawyer sleep. He couldn't help himself. He loved the way the blonde looked when he slept. When he wasn't being mouthy, when he wasn't being... well... himself. He wondered about Sawyer. What made him act the way he did? What made him so hostile towards others? Sawyer was all but curled in on himself and huddled in an extremely defensive posture.

Sayid wondered what he was dreaming about. He'd always found Sawyer, well, beautiful. There was just no way Sawyer would want him. Especially not after what he'd done to him. Sayid hung his head. He hadn't wanted to hurt Sawyer. Sawyer just hadn't given him any choices. He'd pretended to have the girl's inhalers and Sayid couln't stand by and let her die. So he'd broken a promise he'd made himself and done things to Sawyer he'd sworn never to do again.

He'd hurt Sawyer when he'd wanted to do just he opposite. Something about Sawyer made Sayid want to protect him, keep him from harm. Sawyer had pretended to have the girl's asthma medicine and Sayid had to find out the truth. He burried his face in his knee's again as he thought atbout Sawyer.

Sawyer dreamed. _He was fifteen again and at the mercies of anyone who wanted to pick him up at the time. He saw George walking towards him and almost bolted. Geoge was violent. It didn't take anything to set him off and Sawyer wasn't sure he was ready to deal with George again._

He turned and had almost began his retreat when he heard Geoge call to him.

"Jim"

Jim was a name he used on the streets. So that he could keep that aspect of himself seperated from how he saw himself. Jim would do almost anything. Sawyer would just slit your throat. Unfortunately Sawyer needed the money. He hadn't eaten in two days and it had been more than a week since he'd slept anywhere indoors. Fuck, he thought. He turned to face George.

"Hey George," he said keeping his head down.

"Jim," replied George, his hand cupping Sawyers chin almost delicately.

Sawyer tried to jeck away. He couldn't help it. George relished hurting him and could tell if Sawyer was faking tears or not. Sawyer stopped moving when George's hand tightened it's grip on his face. He couldn't escape and he knew it. His cock strained against his pants dispite his thoughts. He didn't want to be hurt but his cock seemed to have a mind of it's own. He hated the things George did to him, but for some reason he couldn't stop himself from responding with need for it.

Sayid watched Sawyer whimper. He was curled into a ball now. His hands were pulled into fists with his knuckles white. Sayid wanted to hold him and let him know everything was going to alright. He wanted to tell Sawyer that nothing would hurt him ever again. He just couldn't. Not after the things he'd done to Sawyer. Not after the way he'd hurt him. He sighed and reached to push Sawyers hair away from his face.

He'd been with many people before. He'd cared about the others yes, but he hadn't loved them. Sayid sighed again and moved to sit against the wall. When Jack had asked if he could watch over Sawyer while Jack did whatever it was he did, Sayid had jumped at the chance. A chance to be near Sawyer without Sawyer's mouth cocking it up. A chance to watch the beautiful blonde sleep. A chance just to be near him.

_"Please. Please no more." Sawyer whispered. His voice was hoarse from all the screaming. He had tried to keep himself from begging. He'd promised himself he wouldn't beg. But in the end George had won. He always did._

"You can't tell me you don't like this. I know you do. Just look at your cock."

Sawyer could feel the incessant throbbing in his groin. He knew his cock was hard, but he couldn't take any more pain. Sawyer knew if he passed out George would punish him for it more when he woke back up. He had to stay conscious. Had to.

"There's my little whore. I knew you liked this."

Sawyer woke with a start, sitting straight up and gasping for air. Everything hurt, but he'd have to wait to see how much was from the nightmare and how much was real. He tried to get his breath back but he was having a hard time. By the time he'd managed to almost start breathing normally someone spoke.

"Are you okay?" Sayid asked quietly.

Sawyer's head swiveled around to the place where the Iraqi had settled. He glared at him. He didn't want to remember the things he dreamed about and he certainly didn't want to share them. His memories were his. Not anyone elses. Definately not Sayid's.

"Peachy. Why what's it to you?"

Sayid looked away. He had his own demons and knew that Sawyer had his. He also knew how hard they were to talk about. He wanted to comfort the blonde. To reassure him that there was good in the world. Who was he do do this? Who was he to think Sawyer would accept anything from him?

"It seemed you were not sleeping well," Sayid stated simply.

"Yeah, well, what's it to you?" Sawyer repeted.

This was a poor idea, he thought to himself. He will never trust me, not after what happened between us. Sayid stood. He stared at Sawyer for a moment. He didn't know what it was about this man that atracted him, but he couldn't stop the need he felt. A desire to be near him, to protect him. To take him. Sayid surpressed a shiver at that thought.

"Yes, well, Jack will want to know that you are awake. If you will excuse me."

Sayid left without another word. In truth Jack would be interest in knowing that Sawyer was awake. In truth he wasn't sure he could trust himself around Sawyer now that he was awake. Sayid couldn't remember ever wanting to be around some one as much as he wanted to be near Sawyer. Fuck, yes. Be in the presence of, no. Something about Sawyer called to his protective and posissive nature.

Sawyer watched Sayid leave. He didn't know why but for some reason he felt lost. Like something was missing. He shrugged it off. Don't need no one, he thought to himself. Especially not some Iraqi that wants to torcher me. He shook his head and tried to gather his wits. The room felt somehow more empty now than it had when Sayid had been here.

"Dumbass," he said to himself, and tried getting up. His legs didn't work right. He layed back down trying to remember what had happened. Gun shots. He remembered Sayid had been shot. They'd been ambushed. Sayid had killed two of them. The third he'd shot himself. At the same time he'd killed the third one a fourth they hadn't seen struck him from behind.

He didn't remember anything after that. Sayid must have killed the fourth and gotten them both back to camp. Dammit, he thought to himself. No way I owe him anything. There was no way Sawyer would ever allow himself to be in anyones debt. Not ever, ever again. He shoved himself up ignoring the painful throbbing in his head. He was in the middle of insepcting the extent of the damage when Jack walked in.


	2. Chapter 2

"How are you feeling." the doctor asked.

"Now ain't that the question of the day?" replied Sawyer. He stared at Jack for minute. "So if I say the boo boo hurts are you gonna kiss it all better?"

Jack shook his head and one corner of his mouth turned upwards in a mock smile. Sawyer just glared at him. He'd gotten good at keeping people at a distance. He wouldn't let anyone near enough to hurt him. He didn't need anyone else. You couldn't ever trust anyone but yourself and he knew it.

Sawyer allowed Jack to check his injuries, which seemed mainly to consist of a large cut on the left side of his head. There were a few scrapes in other places but those seemed to be minor. He was chafing under the attention the doctor was administrering and felt the urge to flee rising up inside him. He fought against his natural impluses and let Jack do what he had to.

***Sayid***

Sayid sat quietly in his tent. The waves crashing against the shore were the only sound. Perhaps I should leave, he mused to himself. It might be easier if he did. He wasn't exactly sure what to make of his feelings. Sayid had been with many people before, but none had been like Sawyer. Sayid wished he could put a finger on what it was about the infuriating blonde that drew him.

Sawyer was beautiful though. He revelled in his thoughts about the man before pushing them quickly aside. There was no way Sawyer would have anything to do with him now. Sayid frowned thinking about the things he'd done to Sawyer. Why hadn't Sawyer just said he didn't know where the asthma medicine was?

***Sawyer***

Sawyer walked to clear his head. Old memories kept resurfacing no matter what he did to push them away. He didn't want to think about what happened when he was on the streets. Didn't want to remember the people who had used him and thrown him away. Yea, well, won't ever happen again. For some reason his thoughts drifted to Sayid.

Sawyer made a habit of pushing everyone away. No one can hurt you if you don't let 'em near, he thought to himself. He hadn't given Sayid much of a second thought in the begining. The more he got to know the guy the more he reallized how much he wanted to Sayid to fuck him. He'd promised himself that would never happen again.

Still, Sayid was so sure of himself. The more he got to know Sayid the more he knew how much Sayid could hurt him. He shuddered at the thought. No, never again. It was a promise he intended to keep. He'd never be anyones whore ever again. Never. The trees cleared and Sawyer looked up. He'd made it back to the beach.

Sawyer walked into his tent and laid down. He tried to sleep but it evaded him. He tossed and turned for several hours before he dozed fitfully. His dreams kept returning to his days on the streets. He dreamed of all the people who'd hurt him before. All the people who'd used him and thrown him away like he was nothing.

***Sayid***

Sayid had decided it was best if he left. He had already packed his things and was almost ready to leave. All that was left was to tell someone. That way no one would be worried and come looking. That way no one would get hurt again because of him. He was walking down the beach to see who was awake when he heard a sound. Sayid paused and listened for the sound again.

There. He turned in the direction of the noise and frowned. It was coming from Sawyer's tent. Sayid walked to the front and waited. The noise came again.  
Sayid peered cautiously into the tent. Sawyer lay tangled in his blankets, tossing back and forth. Watching him Sayid wondered again what it was that caused these nightmares.

"No. Please." Sawyer whispered in his sleep.

Sayid's frown deepened more. It wasn't like Sawyer to beg. Sayid glanced around the beach but no one was in sight. Quietly he slipped into Sawyer's tent and continued watching him. Watching Sawyer like this Sayid almost couldn't stop himself. He put one hand out and used it to gently pull Sawyer's hair away from his face and smooth it back into place.

***Sawyer***

Sawyer's dreams kept shifting. One minute he was being used and hurt. The next minute he was somewhere else and being comforted. Gentle hands softly caressed his face, fingers were running through his hair ever so carefully. He prayed this person wasn't going to hurt him again, he couldn't take any more.  
"Please," he whispered to the person in his dream. The hand paused, and Sawyer tensed. He waited for the pain, but the hand resumed caressing his face and hair. The touch was soft. It made him feel safe. He relaxed into it and drifted into the sweet surrender of a sound sleep for the first time in ages.

***Sayid***

Sayid watched as Sawyer's breathing evened out. He seemed to be sleeping better now. Sayid smiled still running his hands down the side of Sawyers face as lightly as he could. Good, he thought to himself, good. While he was happy Sawyer was sleeping more peacefully, he was now unsure of his plan to leave.  
He had no plans to hurt Sawyer more, but then, he hadn't planned to hurt him the first time. He thought about it for while. Could he really leave? He kept his eyes on Sawyer while he thought. If he left, who would even care what happened to Sawyer. Sawyer didn't let people in, and most people seemed content to hate him.

He knew he couldn't leave, not without knowing Sawyer would be safe. Staring at Sawyer sleeping it was almost easy to forget everything else. One more day, he thought to himself. One more day. Sayid stood slowly and backed away from Sawyer.

"Sleep well, my friend," he whispered as he retreated back to his own tent.


	3. Chapter 3

Sawyer woke up feeling good. He couldn't remember a time he had felt this rested. He whistled to himself as he got up. Today was going to be a good day. Sawyer grabbed the book he was reading and opened the enterance to his tent. He was stopped short when he came face to face with Jack.

"What's up Doc?" Sawyer said in a pretty decent mimic of Bugs Bunny.

"I was just coming by to check on how you were healing."

"Fan-frickin-tastic doc," said Sawyer before flashing Jack a grin.

"You seem like you're in a good mood today." Jack said raising one eyebrow.

"Yep, sure am." Sawyer said before starting to walk off then turned and started walking backwards. "It's a great day doc, don't spend it making house calls. Go take a vacation, maybe to some island somewhere and get yourself a little sun." Sawyer turned around again and whistled as he walked off, leaving a confused Jack behind him. Yep, today is gonna be a good day, he thought to himself.

***Sayid***

Sayid preteneded to be working on something as he watched Sawyer from the corner of his eye. Sawyer seemed to be doing well today. He was happy, cheerful, and not at all like his normal self. Sayid frowned. He wasn't sure what to make of the "new" Sawyer. Everyone else on the island seem to like it well enough.

"Something's up."

Sayid turned and saw Jack behind him. How long has he been standing there, Sayid wondered to himself.

"What do you mean by, 'something's up'?" he asked the doctor.

"It's not like Sawyer to be... well, cheerful."

"Perhaps he is having a good day." Sayid responded.

"You're kidding right? Sawyer?"

"Anyone can have a good day, Jack. Why not Sawyer?"

"Because he's Sawyer." replied Jack.

Sayid stared at him. Why wouldn't Jack just accept Sawyer having a good day and let it go?

"I'm just saying there's something going on, that's all."

"Perhaps," was all Sayid would say.

Jack shook his head and stared in the direction of Sawyer, and Sayid turned to look at Sawyer more directly. Sawyer was talking with Charlie. From Charlie's hand gestures towards Sawyers arm and head they seemed to be discussing Sawyer's injuries.

Sawyer waved one hand dismissively and then held both hands up to Charlie. Sayid watched Charlie inspect Sawyer's fingers. Sayid frowned thinking back at how he'd tortured Sawyer to find out where the medicine was. He watched as Sawyer waved his hand dismissively again.

"You know Sawyer as well as I do, Sayid. He's never in a good mood unless he's causing trouble."

Sayid turned to look at Jack. Jack was frowning, still watching Sawyer and Charlie talking.

"Perhaps," said Sayid as he went back to pretending to work on his project. He knew Jack was right but he really didn't want to discuss Sawyer with anyone, least of all Jack. In truth he too was worried about the "new" Sawyer. He wasn't sure he liked this turn of events. He found he almost prefered Sawyer when he was being an ass.

***Sawyer***

"Sure just let me go get 'em. Meet you back at your tent later?"

"Sure, man. Thanks for doing this."

"No worries."

Sawyer smiled at Charlie and turned to walk back to his tent. He'd been reading when Charlie had approached. Apparently Charlie wanted to do something nice for Claire. Charlie had come to him for the last few things he needed to help with the surprise for Claire. Normally helping others for no reason wasn't high on his 'to-do' list, but he was having a good day. Why not spread the cheer a little.

Sawyer caught a glimpse of Sayid and stopped walking to see what the man was doing. Sayid appeared to be working on yet another gizmo. Sawyer reallized he was drawn to Sayid because there was some part of himself that felt he needed to be hurt. He knew Sayid could cause him intense pain. Part of him wanted to grab Sayid, pull him back to the tent and fuck him. Another part wanted to run.

Sawyer couldn't surpress a small shiver at his thoughts. Not now, he said to himself. I won't think about that now. Right now I've got other things to think about. He walked back to his tent to get the things Charlie needed for his surprise for Claire.

***Sayid***

Out of the corners of his eyes Sayid watched Sawyer watching him. Sawyer turned and walked towards his tent after a few seconds. Sayid breifly entertained the notion of something going on between Charlie and Sawyer, but he put it aside quickly. There was no way. Or was there? Sayid wondered what was going on but did his best to keep his attention elsewhere. After a few minutes he was forced to admit it wasn't working. Sayid left the pretend project and went to find Charlie.

***Sayid / Charlie***

"Where are you, where are you?"

Charlie was digging through a suitcase looking for something and didn't notice when Sayid approached.

"Aw bloody hell, c'mon. I know I put it in here."

Sayid cleared his thoat.

"May I be of assistance?"

Charlie jumped in surprise. "Bloody hell man, you almost gave me a heart attack."

"I appologize. As I said, may I be of assistance?"

"Naw man." Charlie paused. "Wait," Charlie moved past Sayid and inspected the beach before turning back around. "Well, if you're not busy could you let me  
know if you see Claire coming?"

"Claire," Sayid said flatly.

"Yea, man. I'm trying to do something nice for her, you know? So she doesn't feel so bad."

"Claire?" Sayid said again in disbelief.

Charlie stared at him.

"Um, yea. You know, Claire. About so tall, blonde, pregant? You do remember Claire don't you?"

"Yes, Charlie, I know Claire."

"Yea, well, I want to do something nice for her. You know? She doesn't think anyone wants anything to do with her. I want to make her feel better. Just watch  
and let me know if you see her coming."

"And what are you doing for Claire that requires Sawyer's assistance?"

"Just needed a few things. That's all. Why do you ask mate?"

Charlie stared at him. Sayid turned and looked down the beach. Of all the things he could be feeling, jealousy should have been the least of them. Jealous? Of  
Charlie? What's happening to me? When was he ever jealous? Sayid had been with many people and had never been jealous before. Who cared who slept with who? Besides, why would Charlie ever want to be with Sawyer? Idiot, he thought to himself.

"Something wrong mate?" Charlie was still staring at him.

"No. It's nothing."

Sayid walked off towards the jungle to clear his head. There was a lot to sort through.

***Charlie / Sayid***

Charlie watched Sayid for a moment before running to catch up to him. He managed to reach Sayid at the edge of the forest line. There was something going on here and Charlie was worried about Sayid. If he didn't know better he'd have said Sayid was upset about him talking Saywer earlier. But that was stupid wasn't it? Wasn't it? Charlie wasn't so sure.

"Hey listen mate, I... I don't know how to say this. It's just, you seem, you know a little..."

"A little what Charlie?"

"Umm. Well you know? You seem a little too concerned about Sawyer lately."

Charlie shifted uncomfortably while Sayid stared at him. If there was a list of people not to piss off on this island, Charlie would have put Sayid near the top of it. He didn't want to make Sayid mad but he couldn't believe Sayid was the type to like another man. Especially not some one like Sawyer.

"Jack is concerned about Sawyer's recent shift in attitude as well."

"Uh, yea, of course. It's just, you know?"

"No, Charlie. I do not know." Sayid stared at him.

"Nothing man. I dunno what I was thinking. See you later." Charlie turned to leave.

***Sayid / Charlie***

Sayid watched Charlie go. He wondered if Charlie had caught anything that was going on in his mind. Sayid thought for a minute, then sighed.

"Charlie." Sayid called.

"Yea mate?" Charlie stopped walking and looked over his shoulder.

"May I talk with you for a minute?"

"Uh, yea. If you don't mind can we talk in the tent? I've a few things I need to get done before Claire gets back, you know?" Charlie shifted his gaze between Sayid and the tent. Sayid watched Charlie before nodding his assent. They both walked back to the tent and Sayid watched Charlie shift his attention back to the suitcase he was previously looking in.


	4. Chapter 4

While Charlie continued searching the suitcase he could feel Sayid's gaze. Charlie wasn't sure there was anything more than friendship between him and Claire, but he knew she was feeling bad lately. Like people were avoiding her, like she couldn't do anything to help. Maybe she was right. Charlie frowned to himself. He knew what it was like to feel useless, unwanted. He didn't want Claire to feel that way.

"Why did you stop me to ask about Sawyer?"

"Yes!" exclaimed Charlie as he pulled what he was looking for out of the suitcase. He turned back to Sayid.

"Uh sorry, what?"

"Why did you stop me to ask about Sawyer?" Sayid repeted.

"Oh. Uh." Charlie shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "Well it just seems like you've taken an interest in him lately. That's all." Charlie inspected the ground to avoid meeting Sayid's eyes.

"An interest?"

"Uh, yea. Hey, listen mate, if you don't want to tell me what's up, that's cool. I just let curiousity get the better of me for a tick. You know what I mean?"

"Curiousity about what?"

"Uh, well." Charlie raised his gaze to meet Sayid's. "Well you know, about what's up between you and Saywer. I mean if you don't want to say, than that's fine too."

"What are you trying to say Charlie."

"Uh, well. It just seems like you kinda like him. You know what I mean."

Charlie refused to drop his gaze as much as he wanted to. He was decidedly uncomforable being in a staring contest with Sayid, especially talking about something like this with him. Still, if he was going to discuss this with Sayid he would respect him enough to meet his eyes while he did so.

"Like him." Sayid repeted flatly.

"Uh, well, you know. Like you like him, like him."

"Are you accusing me of something Charlie?"

"No. It's not like that. Look mate, I couldn't care if you liked him like that. I just let curiousity get the better of me, like I said."

"So my actions have made you think I like to be other men?"

"Uh, well... Well, no, not exactly. Listen, a lot of people like that kinda stuff. If you do then it's not that big a deal." Charlie feverently wished he'd kept his mouth shut.

Sayid sighed and turned away. He stood with his back to Charlie breifly. When he turned back he locked his eyes on Charlie. Charlie felt the urge to run and shoved it away as best as he could. Head on, he thought to himself. I've got to meet this head on now that I've opened my mouth about it.

"Look. If you like him, you like him. If you don't, you don't. Ain't none of my business is it?"

"Sometimes you see too much Charlie."

"Uh, excuse me?" Charlie was confused by that statement.

"Yes, Charlie. I like him."

"Uh, like him, like him?"

Sayid glared at Charlie and Charlie promptly shut his mouth.

"Yes Charlie." Sayid turned his head so he was no longer meeting Charlie's gaze.

"Well did you tell him?" Charlie asked.

"No Charlie. It is more complicated than that."

"If you'll pardon me for saying this, how? I mean we're on a deserted island, yea? There is only us here. It's not like there's some corner bar you can go to and pick up some one else. It's not you can just pop down to to the local spank shop and pick up some vid to take home and take care of your problem there. I mean, yea, he might not like it, but something tells me he won't be to opposed to the idea." Sayid jerked his head back and his eyes met Charlies. For a second Charlie thought he was dead.

"What do you mean by that? What do you mean you don't think he would be too opposed to the idea?"

"Well, he's been checking you out too, hasn't he?"

"Has he?"

Sayid was surprised. Was Sawyer checking him out? He hadn't noticed. All the time he spent watching Sawyer, he would have thought he'd have noticed. Still, if what Charlie was saying was true...

"Well yea. I just didn't think much of it until you came and asked why I was talking with him. Then it just kinda fell together. You watching him and looking away when he turned your direction. Him watching you and turning away when you look at him. The way you asked me about talking to him. It just kinda fell together."

Sayid stared at Charlie unsure what to make of what he had just said. Sawyer watched him too? Really?

"Then there's Kate, isn't there?"

"What do you mean?" Sayid narrowed his eyes.

"Well Kate's been spending lots of time between Jack and Sawyer both, right? So it seemed to me that if Sawyer was going to go after anyone, it'd have been her. Like I said though, that was before I started putting things together about you and him."

"Kate." Sayid crossed his arms and eye'd Charlie.

"Uh..." Charlie reallized it might not have been a good idea to mention Kate.

Sayid turned and walked off without another word.

"Sayid! Hey, wait. I didn't mean it like that!"

Sayid ignored Charlie and continued walking. If Sawyer wanted to be with Kate then so be it. It was his decision. He wasn't going to stand in Sawyer's way. He should have left last night, he knew it. No matter, he'd leave today.


	5. Chapter 5

"Hey Claire. Got a minute?"

"Yea sure Charlie. That's all I have right now. It's not like there's much I can do."

"Well actually. Um, I kinda need your help for something."

"You're kidding right? What help could I be, Charlie? If you haven't noticed I'm pregnant. I'm not exactly able to do anything."

"Oh, I dunno, I think a pregnant woman would be just the thing I need right about now."

Claire looked up at him and Charlie couldn't help but smile at the surprise in her face. He reached out his hand and waited for her to take it. Yes, he thought to himself, this was definitely a good plan. As he walked down the beach with Claire he smiled.

The sun was slowly setting, the colors reflected against the ocean's surface. Sawyer thought about the day as he watched the sun disappear. He'd been right, it had been a good day. He hadn't gone to Charlie's baby shower, but he knew Claire wold appreciate it. Charlie had gone through a lot of trouble for this and Sawyer hoped it had gone well. Charlie had come up with paper somewhere and asked Kate to write out invitations. Sawyer thought about Kate.

In another life, maybe. For the most part his flirting with Kate was just to tweak the doctor. It was another way to keep Jack off balanced and hating him. Sawyer liked her well enough, but couldn't see himself falling in love with her or anyone else anytime soon. Nope, better to keep everyone at a distance. Speaking of Kate. Sawyer stood as Kate approached.

"So what's up Freckles? You leave early, or just couldn't stand being away from me any longer?"

"Ha ha Sawyer, very funny. Baby shower's aren't really might thing. Somehow, I don't think they'll miss me too much." Kate turned and smiled at him.

Sawyer thought about it for a while and smiled. He was pretty sure baby showers would normally have been low priority for most of the other survivors as well. He tried to picture the others there. Locke, Shannon, Boone, Sayid... Sawyer abruptly stopped smiling.

"Hey, what's up? You okay?"

"Yea, why wouldn't I be?"

"You just seem a little preoccupied. Like you're worried about something."

"Oh yea? Like what?"

"I don't know." Kate paused and studied him. "Maybe Sayid?"

"Now why in hell would I be worried about Sayid?" Sawyer's jaw clenched and he glared at Kate.

"Wow. What's gotten into you? I just meant maybe you might be worried about him being out there by himself."

"Out where?" Sawyer gritted out still glaring her.

"There." Kate swept a hand in the direction of the treeline. "In the jungle."

"Now why would he be out there in the jungle?"

"He said someone has to map the island. Check out what's out there."

Sawyer watched Kate for a little while. Did Sayid really take off into the mystery jungle by himself? Kate had to be telling the truth but there had to be more to it.

"You don't seem like you believe that."

Kate shrugged. "I think it was guilt."

"Guilt?"

"Yea." Kate nodded in his direction. "You know what I mean. I'm going to go now. See you later Sawyer."

"Yea. Later." replied Sawyer distractedly.

Sawyer watched Kate leave. Guilt? What if Kate was right? No way. He didn't owe Sayid anything. There was nothing to feel guilty for. He didn't owe anyone anything. Sayid had done what he had done on his own. It wasn't Sawyer's fault if Sayid felt guilty. Good. Let him feel guilty. Sayid could take care of himself. Sawyer considered that thought. Sayid didn't need him. No one needed him. He'd be better off if he had died in the crash with everyone else.

Sayid made things difficult. He cared for Sayid. He didn't want to. If there were people that could make you feel good then there were people that could hurt you. Sawyer walked to his tent as normally as he could. He wouldn't let anyone make him feel unworthy. Somewhere he knew everyone had a right to happiness. Somewhere he knew everyone had a right to feel accepted. He also knew this wasn't his time or place.

Sawyer checked both directions before he approached. He wasn't sure why he was doing this. You know exactly why you're doing this, his brain informed him. Shut up, he told it. He was tired of feeling guilty and he knew it. He wanted to feel something else. Almost anything but the deep gnawing pain that was slowly growing inside. It was his fault Sayid was gone and he knew it.

Sawyer told himself he hadn't felt bad about Sayid leaving. He does whatever he wants to. I don't control him. Still, would Sayid still be gone if he had admitted he didn't know where the inhalers were? There wasn't a way to make this right but maybe there was a way to make it hurt less. Sawyer walked into the open and waited.

"So what's so important you couldn't just tell me back there?"

Sawyer struggled with himself. There was a huge part of him that didn't want to be here. Knew this was wrong. And yet, he couldn't take it any more. He had to do something, anything was better than nothing. He sighed as he looked at the man in front of him. Sawyer shook his head and walked forward to do what he came here for.


	6. Chapter 6

When she'd seen Sawyer a few days ago she had noticed the bruises. Kate had walked off a small distance down the beach and back into the trees a little. She wanted time time to think without others around. After a few hours Sawyer had walked into view. Kate froze and waited to see what he was doing here. Sawyer stopped walking and looked around before he sat.

For a while Kate's attention was so focused why Sawyer was here, what he was doing, that she didn't notice them. Sawyer wasn't wearing a shirt and she found herself thinking about how good looking he was. She knew they would never end up together but that didn't mean she couldn't check him out now and then. Not long after she started though, she saw the bruises on his back.

They stayed like that for a good while. When it started getting dark Sawyer stood and left. Kate stayed a little bit more while she thought about it. How had he gotten those bruises? What was going on between him and Sayid? Kate pushed it aside determined to find the answer later.

***Sawyer***

Sawyer looked up and saw Kate approaching him.

"Sawyer. Can I ask you something?"

"Depends freckles. Whatcha wanna ask me?"

"What's up with you and Sayid? I mean, it's pretty obvious you have feelings for him."

Sawyer grabbed Kate by the throat and pressed her against the tree.

"What do you mean by obvious?"

He glared at Kate as he pressed her against the tree. Kate struggled against his grasp. If he didn't let her go there would be no way she could answer him. He knew it but some part of him craved the violence. Some part of him wished it was him pressed to the tree. He dropped Kate and backed away. Sawyer was sick of violence, yet some part of him needed it. He had no clue how to reconcile the two. He felt sick.

Sawyer left the without the answer. Kate tried to stop him to ask him about something as he was leaving. Sawyer ignored her, he couldn't do this. Couldn't pretend that everything was peachy when he hurt this much. All he wanted was for someone to make the hurt stop. Sawyer checked the area and found it empty of anyone else.

"Please." He fell to his knees. "Please, make this stop."

***Meanwhile***

_"I removed the firing pin," she says, adding that Robert did the same thing before she shot him._

_"You loved him," Sayid says._

_"He was sick," she replies. "It took them, one after the other."_

_"I'm not sick. Why kill me?"_

_"I can't let you go," she says. "Don't you understand? To have someone to talk to, to touch."_

***dun dun dun! / Back to Sawyer***

Sawyer walked back to his tent. He stepped inside, laid down and curled into a ball. He couldn't face the present anymore. Couldn't deal with it. It would just be easier to give up. Sawyer, in a ball, in his tent, with nothing else to live for, cried. All he ever wanted was safety. Something that would keep the outside world at bay when he couldn't deal with it. Was that too much to ask? Was it?

***Sayid***

Sayid thought about Sawyer. He couldn't die here. He had to get back. Sawyer needed some one to take care of him. He had to get back. He prayed with everything he had that Danielle wasn't going to kill him.  
_  
"I can't let you go," she says. "Don't you understand? To have someone to talk to, to touch."_

"You'll find me in the next life if not in this one."  


Sayid arrives in the caves, stumbling on his hurt leg. He tells them that he found the French woman and they are not alone on the island.

"Don't you understand? We are not alone! There are others here."

"Sayid, let's not jump to conclusions because of some nut. If anyone else was here don't you think they'd try to find us? Try to at least learn something about us?" Jack stated.

"It doesn't matter." Sayid said

"After everything you've just said, what do you mean it doesn't matter?

"Where is Sawyer?"

"Sawyer?"

"Yes."

Sayid felt like a traitor worrying about Sawyer right now, but he couldn't help it. He had to know how Sawyer was doing.

***Sawyer***

Sawyer cried until there weren't anymore tears. Was it to much to ask for to want to be safe? He couldn't remember ever wanting anything else. Somewhere inside he knew Sayid could make him feel safe, but a part of him rebelled. 'I will never be anyone's whore ever again.' he thought to himself.

It was at that moment that Sayid materialized in Sawyer's doorway. Sawyer didn't have the time to worry about why. Sayid raced forward and cupped Sawyer's chin. There was some part of Sawyer that knew this was Sayid. Some part that knew that Sayid would never hurt him. Well, at least not more than he could stand. At this moment however, Sawyer couldn't take it.

The only thing Sawyer could see were the people that wanted to hurt him. To use him. To throw him away like he meant nothing and laugh at him. Sawyer, stuck in the past, rebelled. He punched the person holding him as hard as he could and tried to run.

***Sayid***

At first Sayid stood where he was in shock. He couldn't believe Sawyer had thrown the first punch. When Sawyer tried to run Sayid tackled him. Sayid didn't know what to think. All he knew was Sawyer was scared and ready to bolt. Sayid wanted to know why. He had to know.

As Sayid struggled with Sawyer it became increasingly apparent that there was more going on than met the eye. Sawyer begged him not to hurt him, but there was more to it than that. Sawyer also called him by another name. Sayid noted the name but filed it away elsewhere. The struggle was having unforseen consequences.

At some point during the struggle with Sawyer, Sayid found that he was harder than he'd ever been. He wanted Sawyer and knew nothing would stop him from taking what was his. After a brief struggle Sayid found himself laying across the backside of a very beautiful Sawyer. Sayid almost took him without thinking twice. Then a thought occurred to him.

If he took Sawyer against his will, would Sawyer ever want to be with him again? Sayid paused and let that thought sink in. Yes, by gods, he wanted Sawyer. But he also wanted Sawyer to want him back. If he took Sawyer when he wasn't ready, would Sawyer forgive him enough to want him later? Sayid rolled off Sawyer and covered his face.

***Sawyer***

Sawyer didn't understand how it happened. One second he was in his tent and safe, the next he was back in the room with George. Flee! Every instinct told him to run. Get away. He tried but he couldn't. The weight on top of him was too much. If he struggled against it he'd be hurt worse and he knew it. He just couldn't stop himself from fighting back.

Almost as suddenly as the weight had pinned him it was gone. Sawyer laid still, fearing what would come next. Never fight back, he told himself. You know better. Now you're just going to get hurt more. He almost broke down into tears except he didn't want to give George that satisfaction just yet.

***Sayid***

Sawyer whimpered. Sayid turned and looked at him. Sawyer was curled into a ball and backing away. Sawyer's eyes were shut tight and he was inching ever further away from where Sayid was. Sayid felt his hear melt. He wanted to comfort Sawyer. He wanted to let Sawyer know everything would be okay. Would it? Didn't I just attack him? Sayid shoved the thought away. He would deal with that later.

"Sawyer." Sayid said softly, still laying on his back.

Sawyer stopped backing away but his eyes remained tightly closed. He began to shake softly. Sayid reached out to comfort him, but as soon as his hand touched Sawyer, Sawyer recoiled. Something was going on here and Sayid wanted to know what it was. He had no clue what had happened in Sawyer's past but Sayid was determined to make sure no one hurt Sawyer again.


	7. Chapter 7

"Who hurt you?" Sayid hadn't meant to ask the question out loud, but now that it was out he couldn't recall it. He had to continue with it, and hope Sawyer would share something with him. In truth he wanted to know, but didn't expect Sawyer to answer him. Why would he, Sayid thought to himself? Who am I to think he should answer me?

"You did."

The answer was simple and quiet. There was something about it that shook Sayid to the core. He had to know more. He didn't know what Sawyer was seeing but Sayid was sure it wasn't what was actually going on in the present. Sayid scooted closer and asked Sawyer again.

"Yes, but who am I?"

Sawyer shuddered. "You know who you are." he said quietly.

Sayid carefully gauged what he was about to do. It had to be just right to work. Too much or too little and it wouldn't work.

Carefully he grabbed Sawyer by the throat. "And what is my name?"

Sawyer struggled briefly before stilling.

"Please."

"Say it. What is my name?"

"George." Sawyer gasped for air.

Sayid pressed harder as he promised to himself to make this George pay. No one deserved to be as scared as Sawyer was right now. He needed to know more.

"That's right," he said to Sawyer, "and you know what I want don't you?"

"Yes."

"And what is that?"

"To hurt me. Please. I'll do whatever you want. Please don't hurt me any more."

Sayid almost jumped backwards to get as far away from Sawyer as he could. Sawyer's plea for mercy was so sincere that Sayid almost couldn't help himself. He had to know more though. Had to know what scared Sawyer. Had to know what to do to protect him. Sayid grabbed Sawyer's arms and pinned them above Sawyer's head. He leaned in close and nuzzled Sawyer's neck. He whispered in Sawyer's ear.

"Tell me, what are you most afraid of me doing?"

Sawyer didn't answer.

"Tell me!" Sayid yelled at Sawyer. He wanted to kill himself for doing this, but he knew this was the only way to understand what Sawyer was going through.

"Please." Sawyer whispered and struggled to get free.

Just then the tarp currently being used as a door opened. Sayid glanced up in surprise. Charlie stood in the door of Sawyer's tent. From the look on his face Sayid knew Charlie would never understand what was going on. He release Sawyer immediately and turned to Charlie.

"It is not as it seems."

"Really? Cause it seems as if he's saying no mate."

Charlie stared him down and Sayid felt his world was caving in. He had to explain to Charlie that he had no intentions of hurting Sawyer. He had to make Charlie understand what was going on. Had to.

"Charlie. "

"I think he said no, mate."

"It is not as it seems."

"Leave. Now."

"Please Charlie. You have to understand-"

"Oh, I understand perfectly mate. He said no and you ain't listening."

Sayid opened his mouth to explain further but shut it just as quickly. There was no way he could explain this. Even if he tried he'd be exposing secrets he wasn't sure Sawyer wanted anyone to know. There was nothing he could do to fix this.

"Charlie."

"I don't wanna hear it man. He said no."

"Listen to me. Please." Sayid shook his head and stood up. "He doesn't know what he's saying. He's not quite here right now. He's-"

"Then all the more reason for you not to be here mate." Charlies tone would brook no argument. Sayid had the sudden realization that as much as he was upset as Charlie right now he was also grateful. Someone else was looking out for Sawyer. Sayid walked over to Charlie and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Thank you."

Sayid walked out of Sawyer's tent genuinely grateful that there was someone watching over him. He still needed answers, but he was grateful to Charlie for making sure nothing happened to Sawyer. Sawyer deserved a good friend.

Sayid waited until he knew Chalie was asleep. He was greatful that Charlie had seen fit to protect Sawyer, but it had been inconvenient.


	8. Chapter 8

Sayid left his tent intending to double-check that Charlie was actually asleep and then pay another visit to Sawyer. As soon as he left his tent, however, he found Kate sitting just outside. Sayid frowned at her.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey." Sayid glanced around but no one else appeared to be awake.

"Can we talk?"

Sayid pulled the tarp open and backed up a little to allow Kate enough room to step inside. Watching her Sayid thought through the reasons she might be here. He didn't really feel like talking about any of them.

"Do you mind if we walk? I don't really feel like sitting anymore." She gave him a half-smile.

Sayid dropped the tarp and followed Kate.

"So what is it you needed?" Sayid asked Kate

"Jack says, you said we weren't alone when you came back."

"I did."

"He also said right after that you asked about Sawyer." Kate stopped and looked at him. They were closer to the fire now and he could see there were bruises on her neck. Sayid reached out to move her hair to get a better look and Kate backed up. Sayid dropped his hand and stood where he was.

"How did you get those?"

Kate smiled and turned away.

"Is it true that you asked about Sawyer almost as soon as you got back."

"I will answer you, if you will answer me," Sayid said quietly.

"Accident."  
Sayid crossed his arms, and waited. Kate turned back around and faced him. She shrugged and bit her bottom lip. Sayid continued to wait.

"I asked a question someone didn't like."

"Who?" Sayid dropped his arms back down.

"Nope. Deal's a deal. I answered you, you answer me."

"Yes, I asked about Sawyer."

"Why?"

"Will you tell me who did that?" Sayid nodded in Kate's direction.

"How about if you tell me what's up with you and Sawyer, and then I tell you what happened?"

Sayid thought it through. Was it worth it? He could try to find out who had hurt Kate with telling her anything. Someone had to know something. He didn't really want to share how Sawyer made him feel with anyone.

"I asked about him because I wished to know how he was doing."

"Sayid," Kate said flatly.

"Kate," Sayid mimicked back.

"Fine." Kate turned to leave and Sayid grabbed her by the arm.

"Wait." He glanced around. "Let's keep walking."

Kate nodded and they continued at a slow pace.

"I was worried for him." Sayid didn't look at Kate.

"Why?"

"Well, his injuries for one."

"And two?"

"I... I find that I might have feelings for him."

"Might?"

Sayid stopped walking and looked at Kate.

"Why did you come by this evening?"

"Do you have feelings for him?"

"Yes. Yes Kate, I do. Why do you need to know this?"

"You know, I think he cares for you too."

"Why would you think that?"

"I asked him about it."

"You asked him? When? What did he say?"

"Not much."

"What do you mean by not much?"

"I think he's been hurt before." Kate laughed nervously. "I mean, I know he has. What I meant was, I think he's been hurt before by another man."

"What makes you think this?"

"When I asked him about what was going on between you two he got upset. " Kate reached up and pulled her hair back. She turned her neck so Sayid could see it better. "I don't think he meant to hurt me. I just think he got hurt, bad, by someone else before. I think when I was asking him about it, it just brought back some bad memories."

Kate dropped her hair back and stood there watching. Sayid processed what Kate was saying. Sawyer had done this. Sayid was torn with indecision. One part of him wanted to hold Sawyer and make sure nothing hurt him again. The other part of him wanted to hurt Sawyer for hurting Kate.

"Are you okay?" he asked her.

"Yea. It's fine. " replied Kate. She gave Sayid a half-smile.

"I see. And have you told anyone else about this?"

"About you and Sawyer, or about him grabbing me?"

"Either."

"No, neither."

"Will you?"

"No."

"I see. Shall we go back?"

Kate nodded but didn't speak. They walked back in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. After a short time they'd reached Sayid's tent.  
Sayid brushed Kate's hair back and looked at her bruises again. Kate bit her lower lip.

"Good night Kate. And I will make sure this doesn't happen again."

Sayid walked into his tent without giving Kate a chance to respond. He had some thinking to do and not much time to do it in.


	9. Chapter 9

Sawyer sat watching the waves roll in and out over and over again. He wasn't sure what exactly happened last night. He didn't remember a lot of it. He remembered hearing Charlie's voice. He'd lain there listening to as much of it as he could catch. He was starting to piece things together. When he was finally able to move everyone was gone. He couldn't remember much after seeing Sayid until he heard Charlie's voice.  
That wasn't quite true. He remembered some things. He was just sure that most of them hadn't really happened. At least not last night.

Sawyer continued watching the ocean trying to figure out how much Sayid had learned. Sayid was smart. He would have figured out some of it. Thinking he wouldn't have, would be stupid. He could refuse to tell him anything else if Sayid asked. He might not ask. You never knew with Sayid.

***Kate***

Kate watched Sawyer. She was worried about him. Worried about the memories he carried around, worried Sayid might do something to hurt him now. Worried it had been Sayid who'd given Sawyer the bruises she'd seen. She hadn't wanted to tell Sayid what happened. When Sawyer had grabbed her she'd been terrified he was going to kill her. Then his expression changed.

After Sawyer had left she followed him. She was stunned when he broken down and cried. Kate felt like she had intruded and left as quickly as she could, trying not to make any noise. She spent most of the day away from the beach thinking about Sawyer and trying to come up with a story for the bruises she knew she'd have.

Kate didn't want Sayid to do anything to hurt Sawyer. She had only told Sayid what had happened because, as she had so aptly put it, a deal's a deal. She realized pretty early on that Sawyer's teasing was just that. Teasing. He wasn't going to act on it and neither was she. For a while now she'd been curious if there might be something between Sayid and Sawyer. Apparently there was and there wasn't.

Both seemed drawn to the other one, but neither seemed to want to admit it. She didn't think Sayid was the one who'd hurt Sawyer. He seemed to genuinely really care for him. Maybe those feelings would keep Sayid from hurting Sawyer on her behalf. Maybe. Kate wouldn't have wanted to bet on it. Maybe I should go talk to him again, she thought. Kate left to go find Sayid.

***Sayid***

Sayid watched Kate leave. He knew Kate wouldn't want him to do anything, but he wouldn't let it go. He figured Kate would try to stop him if she knew what he was planning so he'd followed her most of the morning. He wasn't surprised that she would seek out Sawyer as well. Sayid had to do this quick, in case Kate came back suddenly. He walked up to where Sawyer was sitting and stood in front of him.

"Come with me." Sayid stated simply without any greetings.

"Yea? And why would I do that?"

"Because if you do not, I will tell everyone about George."

Sawyer glared at Sayid.

"You don't know anything." he growled at Sayid.

"Are you willing to take that chance?"

Sawyer stared at Sayid for a moment longer than stood. He clenched and unclenched his hands at his sides. Sayid watched Sawyer carefully.

This was the part of the plan that had the biggest chance of something going wrong. He was hoping to get Sawyer off the beach without there being a scene. He would make the best of it if things went wrong.

"So where are we going?" Sawyer crossed his arms and continued glaring at Sayid.

"You will see when we get there." Sayid turned and walked off towards the jungle.

***Sayid / Sawyer***

"You can't say what you need to without this hike?"

Sayid turned and faced Sawyer. It was the first thing he'd said since they started walking. They were now a little more than an hour from the beach. Sayid wanted to be farther away, but this place could work if Sawyer refused to follow him any more.

"No. Now keep walking."

"I don't think so. I might keep walking, but I'm walking back. Later."

Sawyer turned and took a step back to the beach. Sayid reached out and instantly put Sawyer in a choke hold. Sawyer fought but it wasn't long before he was unconscious. Sayid laid him down carefully and pulled the rope out of his pack. He tied Sawyer's hands in front of him before he tied him to a tree. He wouldn't be out long. Sayid ran his fingers gently down Sawyer's face.

"I am sorry about this."

He backed up and waited for Sawyer to wake up.


	10. Chapter 10

Sawyer woke with a start. He tried to stand but couldn't move. He slowly became aware of what happened. He was tied to a tree with his hands bound. Sawyer tested the ropes but realized there was no way he wa getting out of this. He raised his head to check his surroundings.  
Sayid stood against a tree several feet in front of him, watching.

"Well if you wanted me to stick around that bad, you could have just said so."

"You would not have stayed."

"No offense but the last time you had me tied up, it wasn't exactly the best day of my life."

"I am sorry about that, but you brought that on yourself. You should have said you did not have the inhalers."

"Would you have believed me?"

"Probably not."

"That's what I thought."

Sayid pushed himself off the tree and walked forward. Sawyer watched him coming and struggled again trying to find some way to free himself. Fuck. He knew better than to come. Why did he ever agree to come out here. They were miles away from the beach. He could try screaming but it probably wouldn't do any good.

"Tell me what you dream about."

Sawyer stared at Sayid in shock. Of all the things he expected Sayid to say, this wasn't any of them. Why the fuck was Sayid asking about his dreams? It didn't matter, there was no way he was sharing that with Sayid. His memories were his.

"Lollipops and gumdrops. Why, what do you dream about?"

"Please don't make this difficult."

"How am I supposed to do that? I'm the one tied to a tree. If you wanna see difficult let me tie _you_ to a tree."

"Sawyer, I do not wish to hurt you. Please just answer me."

"Why should I?"

"Because, other's have hurt you more than enough." Sayid took a step closer.

"You have no idea what the fuck you're talking about." Sawyer spat at Sayid.

Sayid turned around and walked back to the tree he had been leaning against. Sawyer pulled against the ropes knowing it was useless. He couldn't free himself. Sayid was going to do whatever he wanted and there was no way Sawyer could stop him.

"You have no reason to trust me. I'm sorry for that, but you did not do anything to make matters any better. I do not wish to hurt you. You have been hurt too much already. Please talk to me."

"If all you wanted was to talk then why are we here? You could talk to me just as well at the beach."

"First, you would not have talked to me if I asked you to do so on the beach."

"And second?"

"Second, I did not say talking was all that I wished. It will have to do for now."

"What do you mean for now?"

"What do you dream about?"

"Sunshine and ponies."

Sayid covered his face and took a deep breath before lowering his hand back down.

"Sawyer. I realize this situation is not helping you to trust me, but there was no other way."

"Oh yea? You could have left me alone. If you hadn't brought me out into the middle of the damn jungle and tied me up, it might have gone a long way towards me trusting you more than I do now."

"I need you to talk to me."

"Why? Why the fuck do you need me to talk to you? What do you want from me? Why are you here? Why are you doing this? Why can't you just leave me alone!"

"Because too many people have 'just left you alone'."

"What the fuck is your problem!"

"You are."

"What?"

"You are my problem."

Sawyer stared at Sayid. He didn't have an answer for that.

"I find that I wake up and leave my tent every morning hoping to see you. When I tortured you I was filled with guilt because I broke a promise to myself. I was also saddened to think I had hurt you and for no reason. I watch you read. I watch you swim. I think about you for no reason." Sayid walked until he was face to face with Sawyer. "You are my problem."

Sawyer was speechless. Sayid had walked him out here, knocked him out, and tied him to a tree because he couldn't stop thinking about him?  
Realization started to settle in. Sayid wanted him. Tied to a tree he couldn't stop Sayid from taking him. Sawyer began to panic.

"Sawyer."

"No. No no no. Leave me the fuck alone! Leave me alone! I won't do it! Damn you, untie me now! NOW!"

"Sawyer."


	11. Chapter 11

Sayid kept his voice calm, trying not to add to Sawyer's agitation. He'd figured Sawyer would panic. He heard Kate's voice in the back of his mind, 'I just think he got hurt, bad, by someone else before'.

"No. I won't do it. Untie me NOW!"

"I mean you no harm."

"You don't think forcing me to do this is harm!"

"I am not forcing you to do anything."

"Then why the fuck am I tied to a tree?"

"Because you would not still be here if you weren't."

"Damn straight I wouldn't. Doesn't that tell you something?"

"Yes. It tells me you were hurt before. It tells me you do not trust me. It tells me I have a long way to go to earn your trust."

"How do you think I'm going to trust you after you do this?"

"I am not going to do anything to you."

"You just tied me up for no reason?"

"No. I tied you up so you would stay."

Sawyer turned his head away.

"Just get it over with."

"Very well." Sayid took a step backwards. Keeping his voice as calm as he could, he continued. "What is it you dream about?"

"Why do you want to know what I dream about?"

"Because it keeps you from sleeping well."

"So?"

Sawyer was still refusing to look at him. Sayid wanted to grab him and force Sawyer to look at him. He wanted to make sure Sawyer knew that he would never hurt him. He wanted to protect Sawyer from anyone hurting him ever again. Unfortunately, right now he couldn't do any of that.

"If I brought you out here to do anything to you, we would not still be talking. Does that not help you to trust me a little? At least just for now?"

"Why should it? You can still do anything you want, whenever you want."

"If I release you, would you stay?"

"You wouldn't."

"I would if you promised not run."

Sawyer did look at him then. "You expect me to believe that? You think I'm that stupid?"

Sayid didn't say anything. Nothing he could have said would have made a difference. Sawyer wouldn't believe him yet. Sawyer would learn to trust him. Even if it took the rest of their natural lives.

"Fine. Cut me loose then."

"Do you promise not to run?"

Sawyer refused to answer and turned his head away again.

"I thought not."

"You were going to take me last night. Why should I believe you aren't now."

Sayid sighed. "To be honest with you, there was a moment where I almost did. I didn't though." Sayid hadn't wanted to share that with  
Sawyer, but it was only right to be completely honest with him if he was going to ask Sawyer to trust him.

"Yea, cause Charlie came in."

"No Sawyer. Charlie came in later. When I was trying to... Talk to you."

Sawyer remained silent.

"Sawyer. When I arrived at your tent last night, you were upset. When I saw you crying I wanted comfort you. I reacted before I thought. All I intended to do at that point was to figure out what happened. You struck out almost immediately. I believe something reminded you of the past. Whatever happened, I did not realize what was going on at first. When I realized you were seeing something else, somewhere else, I tried to talk to you. You called me George."

Sayid watched Sawyer carefully. Sawyer's breathing seemed to become more rapid and irregular at the mention of that name. Still Sawyer refused to talk to or look at him.

"Sawyer. I need to know what he did to you. If you don't tell me, I might accidentally do the wrong thing again. Please."

"You wanna know what he did to me? For starters, he tied me up so I couldn't defend myself! Couldn't stop him from hurting me!"

"Sawyer, we've been through this. I told you would free you if you promised not to run. I don't like this any more than you do."

"You're not the one tied to a tree! You're not the one who's helpless!"

"I don't want you tied to a tree either. Promise me you will not run. Please."

"Go fuck yourself."

Sayid sighed again and went back to leaning on the tree. This was not going well, but he hadn't expected it to. He had to find some way to  
get Sawyer to trust him. As long as Sawyer was tied up that was never going to happen. If he freed Sawyer he'd bolt and Sayid wouldn't be able to talk to him further. Sayid pulled out a knife and stared at it. He had to set Sawyer free and let him run. If he didn't Sawyer would never trust him. Even if he did Sawyer might still never trust him.

"I am sorry that you were hurt." Sayid said quietly.

"Yea? Well that makes two of us."

Sayid walked to Sawyer and cut the ropes. Sawyer backed away from him instantly.

"Go. I won't follow you."

***Sawyer***

Sawyer didn't move. He didn't trust Sayid. There had to be more to this. Why would Sayid go through all this trouble and then just set him free? He wanted to run, but he hesitated. Maybe Sayid was telling the truth.

"Why would you do all this and then let me go?"

"I told you, I want you to trust me. You said you couldn't because you were tied and helpless. I do not wish to do anything to cause you pain.  
Although, I have to say that I had hoped this might help you trust me a little."

"Why me?"

"I do not know. I only know that I care for you."

"Why?"

"I do not know. I told you that."

"Why do you want me to trust you?"

"Because I need you to know that I will not hurt you for no reason. That I will not take you against your will. That you are safe."

"Safe? That'll never happen."

"It could happen."

"Oh yea, how?"

"When you learn to trust me. That I mean you no harm."

"Prove it."

"It is not that simple. It takes time Sawyer. I would like to point out that I cut you free and I'm not stopping you from leaving."

To hell with it. If Sayid was going to hurt him, he couldn't stop him. He couldn't out run Sayid if he wanted to chase him down. There was also nothing to stop Sayid from catching him somewhere, sometime and taking him later. Sawyer had to know. If Sayid was going to hurt him then so be it. Sawyer would survive. He always did. Sawyer walked up to Sayid and looked into his eyes. For a moment neither moved.

Sawyer's hand shot up and grabbed Sayid by his hair. Sayid's first impulse was to knock it away and put distance between them. He didn't know what Sawyer was up to. Sayid used all his self control not to move. Sawyer pulled his head backwards slowly. Sayid couldn't stop from resisting at first. After a few seconds he allowed Sawyer the freedom to move him.

When Sawyer leaned in and kissed him, Sayid couldn't move. Sawyer's body was pressed against his and the kiss was amazing. Sayid started reach up to hold Sawyer but stopped himself. It was taking all his willpower not to move, but he had to prove that Sawyer could trust him. It was over sooner than Sayid would have liked, but it had been amazing. Immediately after the kiss ended Sawyer released him and backed up.

"That was amazing." he told Sawyer.

Sawyer didn't respond. Sayid watched him, but didn't move. His body posture told Sayid he was seconds from fleeing. If Sawyer was going to run he'd let him. Sawyer was going to learn to trust Sayid wasn't going to hurt him.


	12. Chapter 12

***Kate POV***

Kate all but ran through the forest. She paused every so often to check the tracks and make sure she was going the right direction. I shouldn't have left Sawyer alone. I should have stayed. Her mind repeated over and over. If Sayid had hurt Sawyer... She didn't want to think about it right now. She had to catch up and make sure everything was okay. Ahead of her, Kate heard someone else coming towards her. She thought about hiding, but what if it was Sawyer? What if he was hurt?

"Sawyer?"

"Kate? That you?"

Sawyer came into view and Kate ran to check on him. Sawyer grabbed her arms and held onto them, stopping her inspection of him.

"Are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" he asked releasing her arms.

"I don't know, I just thought..."

"Thought what?"

"Nothing. It's okay."

Kate turned to walk back to the beach. She was relieved to find Sawyer unhurt. Either he knew why she was worried about him and he didn't want to talk about it, or he didn't know and she didn't want to tell him.

***Sawyer POV***

"Kate."

Kate kept walking.

"Hey, wait up."

Sawyer put hand on her shoulder and stopped her. When he did Kate turned to face him again. Sawyer saw the bruises he'd left the last time he'd talked to her and removed his hand as quickly as he could.

"Hey, about the other day."

"Don't worry about it Sawyer." Kate shook her head as she spoke.

"I'm sorry about that. I don't know what happened."

"Yes you do. If you don't want to talk about that's fine Sawyer, but you know what happened."

Sawyer lowered his head. "Yea, guess I do. I'm still sorry I hurt you."

"I told you it's fine." Kate took Sawyer's hand. "Come on, let's get back to the beach."

Sawyer nodded and let Kate lead him back to the beach.

***Sayid***

Sayid sat in the same clearing he'd been talking to Sawyer in. The same clearing that Sawyer had kissed him in. He'd told himself, the reason he stayed was to give Sawyer time to get a good lead. Truthfully he stayed because he wanted time himself to process everything that had just happened.

The kiss had been wonderful. Sayid smiled as he thought about it. He'd wanted so much more, but had resisted the urge to push for anything. It hadn't been easy. Up until this moment he'd have said sleeping Sawyer, _peacefully_ sleeping Sawyer, was his favorite. Then again, aggressive Sawyer was pretty amazing too.

This wasn't going to be easy. It was going to take a lot of work to make Sawyer realize he could trust him. Sayid was glad Sawyer didn't run the second he was free. It was a hopeful sign. As much as he was glad to have Sawyer kiss him, Sayid didn't take it as a sign in any direction. It could go either way at this point. I need more time, Sayid thought to himself.

"Time I have. What I need is patience." He was trying, but it was hard not to push Sawyer too fast. If he did, it could backfire and Sawyer would never trust him. He didn't know how long he could stand watching Sawyer face his demons alone. Sayid stood and collected his things. He took one last look around and started walking back.

***Sawyer POV***

The first person Kate and Sawyer came across when they stepped out of the forest was Charlie. Charlie cocked his head slightly and watched them for a little bit before he waved. Sawyer looked down and realized he was still holding Kate's hand. He looked up at Kate and she met his eyes. Kate released Sawyer's hand and waved back to Charlie. Charlie smiled, nodded in their direction before walking off.

"You know this is going to get around, don't you?"

"Don't worry about it Freckles, no one's gonna believe it."

"Oh yea? And why's that?"

"Come on, you and me? Everyone's gonna know you've got better taste." Kate laughed at his comment. Good, he thought to himself. It was good to see her smile. "But don't worry, I'm not gonna let the fact that you'd never want me stop me from pursuing you." He winked at her.

Kate laughed again, and punched him in the shoulder.

"Come on, let's go see if we missed anything important."

Sawyer watched Kate walk forward but didn't move. He knew why she'd been looking for him. He was sincerely grateful she hadn't pushed for  
him to talk about it. He suddenly realized, Kate was probably the closest he came to a best friend on this damned island. Kate turned around and looked at him. He didn't know what she was thinking but he could see the wheels turning.

"I was just thinking about how Jack's gonna have a fit when he hears about me and you holding hands." Sawyer gave her his best grin and was rewarded with another smile.

"Come on, let's go." she said motioning him to follow her. He walked forward but stopped when he reached her.

"Can I talk with you for a minute?"

"Yea, sure. What did you need to talk about?"

Sawyer led them back to his tent. Sitting down he focused his eyes on the ground in front of him. He didn't even know if he could do this, but he wanted to try. Maybe talking with Kate would make it easier to deal with Sayid. Kate sat down next to him and put a hand on his arm. Sawyer finally looked up and took a deep breath.

***Sayid POV***

The afternoon was ending and it would be dark soon. Sayid should have arrived sooner but he had walked to clear his thoughts before coming back. A few people greeted him but mostly no one took notice. Just as well, he didn't want to bother finding a reason for being gone most of the day. He had enough to think already. Sayid walked towards his tent and glanced at Sawyer's.

Kate was walking out of Sawyer's tent. As soon as she came out she was followed by Sawyer. They embraced and Sayid could see Sawyer smile and nod at something Kate was saying. Sawyer looked up and their eyes met. Sayid shoved his tarp out of the way and walked into his tent.

***Kate POV***

"I can't do this. God know's what he's gotta be thinking now. Fuck."

"Calm down Sawyer. It'll be okay. Nothing happened."

"You don't understand? Either way I'm screwed. Either he thinks there's something up between me and you, or he believes we were just talking."

"How are you going to be screwed if he thinks we were just talking?"

"Because I wouldn't talk to him. Because he won't understand why I'd talk to _you_ but not _him_."

"It's okay Sawyer."

"This is not okay, Kate. He just tied me to a tree to get me to talk to him."

"He did what?"

They both turned at the sound of another voice.

"Charlie." Kate started walking slowly towards Charlie.

"Don't Charlie me. Did you or did you not just say Sayid just tied you to a tree?"

"Charlie please. You don't understand everything." Kate pleaded.

"I might not, but I understand you don't tie people to trees just to _talk_ to them."

"Charlie." Sawyer whispered. Kate and Charlie turned to look at him.

"Please. Don't do this. Please, don't say anything about this."

"And you, why do you want to protect him? Especially after last night?"

"I can't do this. I'm sorry Kate. I need some time alone." Sawyer turned and walked off.

"Dammit Charlie! What's wrong with you?"

"Me? What's wrong with you? You okay with Sayid tying people to trees when he feels like it?"

"No, but you don't understand what's going on. There's more to this than you know."

"How could tying people to trees for no reason ever be justified?"

Kate just shook her head and bit her lower lip. She should go explain what was going on to Sayid. She couldn't though, she'd promised Sawyer she'd stay out of it. She had just convinced Sawyer to open up about some of the smaller things before they'd walked out of the tent.

"Fine. All I was trying to do was help a friend. Whatever."

Charlie started to walk off.

"Wait." Kate waited to see if Charlie would stop. When he did she continued. "Charlie, I'm sorry. I just can't tell you everything. It would be betraying Sawyer's trust. Please don't say anything about this. Give him time to do this himself, please."

"What _can_ you tell me?"

"What?"

"Tell me what you can without betraying his trust."

"It won't be much."

"How would you feel if you were me, Kate?"

"You wanna take a walk?"


	13. Chapter 13

"Fuck." Sawyer knew he was screwed. There was no way Sayid would ever understand why he chose to talk to Kate first. The stupid thing was that he wanted to talk to Sayid. He was just scared that as soon as he did Sayid would use it against him somehow. He'd spent too long running from his demons to suddenly turn and face them. There was no way to fix this.

He almost prefered for Sayid to think there was something going on between him and Kate. He wouldn't though. Not after Kate told Sayid about how she got the bruises on her neck. Fuck. Maybe he could have explained why he talked to Kate first if Sayid hadn't shown up at that exact moment. Maybe. Not now. Sawyer fell asleep thinking about everything.

***Sawyer Dreams***

George swung the belt again and the buckle made another cut on the back of Sawyer's legs. When Sawyer looked back he viewed the times when George was only out to hurt him as better than the times when George would fuck him. Sawyer had a hard time thinking that while it was happening however. The ropes cut into his wrists as he struggled against them, trying to free himself.

"You're a whore." George grabbed Sawyer's hair and held his head so they were eye to eye. "You don't deserve better and you know it. You deserve everything I give you. Isn't that right?"

"Please. No more, please."

"I say when it's over not you."

"I don't deserve this."

Sawyer stilled. He was unsure what made him say that. He never spoke out, never said anything except to beg for George to stop hurting him. Why now?

***Sayid / Charlie***

Sayid returned when he was sure almost everyone would be asleep. He didn't want to deal with anyone right now. He was pretty sure there was nothing between Sawyer and Kate, but he couldn't help the jealousy he felt. Besides, if nothing was going on between them, why did Sawyer look so guilty?

Logically Sayid had to admit he knew nothing had happened in that tent. He was having problems being logical right now. To top it all off, he realized he'd probably just killed any trust he'd built with Sawyer. He was tired of thinking about everything right now. He needed sleep. Sayid walked into his tent and found Charlie. He crossed his arms and waited.

"We need to talk."

"No Charlie. You need to talk. I need sleep."

"Fair enough. How's this, then? I need to talk, you want to listen?"

"I do not want to listen, I want sleep."

"No you don't. Well actually, yea, you might want sleep. I bet you wanna listen to me more than you need sleep."

"And why is that Charlie?"

"Because you need to hear this. Just remember, I don't know much, but you need to know what it is I do know."

Sayid thought it through. Did he really want to hear Charlie out? It probably had something to do with Kate and Sawyer. Either that or Charlie knew what happened in the forest and was here to threaten him. Listening to Charlie might also be the quickest way to get him to leave, so  
Sayid could go to sleep. He shrugged.

"So talk then."

"See, it's like this. Sawyer's kind of an outcast. Kate's kind of the same. So they kinda have this weird friendship thing. Just friends though,"

Charlie added quickly. "So when Kate met up with Sawyer in the forest today, they kinda talked about stuff."

"Stuff?"

"Yea, not too sure what about, but from what I gather it was probably about you. I'm probably gonna catch hell telling you this stuff so you better appreciate this."

"I see," Sayid said noncommittally.

"So Kate talks Sawyer into talking to you about stuff. But then he sees you and gets nervous again. They start having this argument and I sorta walked into it. After Sawyer left I talked with Kate for a while. She didn't really want to talk though. So I kinda also told her about what happened last night. Apparently Sawyer told her some, but he couldn't remember much." Charlie paused and watched Sayid.

"Continue."

"So, she tells me Sawyer had a few bad experiences and wasn't himself at the moment. I started thinking back and realized you tried to tell me the same thing and I didn't listen to you. Sorry about that, by the way."

"Accepted. Charlie, what is the point of this?"

"Hang on mate, I'm getting to that. So, since I already knew about you tying him to a tree, she explains it better. I'm still not sure that was such a great idea. Anyways, she tells me she wanted to explain things so that you weren't mad at Sawyer anymore, but she promised Sawyer she'd let him talk to you.

So I start thinking. You like Sawyer. You tried to tell me he wasn't himself when I found you in his tent. He walked off with you on his own this morning, even if he didn't seem happy about it."

"Wait. You knew he left with me?"

"Well, yea."

"And you didn't try to stop it?"

"Why would I mate? You didn't force him to go. From what I saw you started to leave first and he followed. Besides, Sawyer's old enough to make his own decisions. If I stepped in and said he couldn't go, he'd probably have told me to fuck off."  
Sayid suppressed a grinned at the thought.

"Where was I? Oh yea, so I see him leave with you this morning. He comes back later with Kate without any obvious new injuries. You show up and see them together and start acting all jealous, and Sawyer gets all worried and takes off. So I figure he's got to have feelings for you too."

"What do you mean he took off?"

"Said he needed time alone and walked off. Then Kate gets all mad at me and tells me I don't know anything and she can't tell me anything about what I don't know either."

"Has he returned?"

"Umm, actually I'm not sure. He hadn't by the time me and Kate got back, but after that I came in here to wait for you. Are you even listening to me?"

Sayid began to pace back and forth.

"So I figure if Sawyer's got feelings for you too, than you guys deserve a chance to make things work. Since Kate can't tell you what's up, and she can't tell me enough to be helpful, I thought maybe I should tell you it would be a good idea to talk to him. That would be the point of this."

"Charlie, trying to talk to him is what started this mess in the first place."

"Can you stop that mate?"

"Stop what?"

Sayid attention was divided between what Charlie had said and if Sawyer was okay.

"Pacing, you're gonna give me whiplash soon."

Sayid stopped and looked at Charlie. He knew Charlie meant well, but he failed to see what good talking to Sawyer would do right now.

Especially if he thinks I'm jealous, and to be honest, he had been jealous. If anything it would make Sawyer more defensive.

"You should go talk to him."

"It would only serve to make matters worse right now. Sawyer gets defensive when he's scared."

"So make sure he's not scared."

"How?"

"Well, what's he scared of?"

"Me."

"No he's not."

"Yes, Charlie, he is. He even said so last night."

"Oh right, last night. You mean when he wasn't himself?"

Sayid opened his mouth but then closed it. Charlie was right. He'd said he was scared of Sayid when he thought Sayid was George. Sawyer was scared of George. He was scared of being hurt. He was scared of people taking advantage of him. That meant there was hope. Hope Sayid could show Sawyer he didn't have a reason to be scared around him. The way to do that was slowly coming together in Sayid's mind.

"Charlie you're a genius."

"I am?"

"Yes."

"Right on then. Two more things though."

"Yes?"

"One, you won't tell Sawyer or Kate I told you any of this?"

"No."

"Good, good. And two, do you know what happened to Kate?"

"Kate?"

"Yea. She's got these bruises on her neck. Like someone choked her, you know?"

"Oh. Charlie..."

"Let me guess. You can't talk about it. You'd be betraying her trust," Charlie said blandly.

"You've heard that a lot lately?"

"Every time I asked Kate a question about Sawyer."

"Charlie, I do know. I can't tell you who it was, but I can tell you it wasn't on purpose and it won't happen again. I'm sorry I can't tell you more."

"It's okay mate."

"Good night Charlie."

"Night Sayid."


	14. Chapter 14

After a few brief hours of sleep Sayid woke up and went to see if Sawyer had made it back. He wanted to go after Sawyer as soon as he found out that Sawyer had left. His worry over Sawyer's safety hadn't abated. He just respected Sawyer's need for a little time to himself. It was still dim out and probably wouldn't be day for a few hours yet.

The beach was quiet. Approaching Sawyer's tent Sayid looked down at Charlie sleeping just outside the door. Sayid thought about when he came back last night and found Charlie waiting for him. It had to take a lot of guts for Charlie to do that. Sayid was grateful that Charlie had done it.

Sayid moved the tarp a tiny bit to see inside. No Sawyer. Sayid was pretty sure Charlie had been here the whole night. If Sawyer had shown, Charlie wouldn't have any reason to still be here. He bent down to wake up Charlie. Putting a hand on Charlie's shoulder Sayid gently shook him.

"Charlie."

Charlie's eyes blinked a few times. He yawned and sat up.

"Hey mate. What's up? Sawyer make it back?"

"It would seem not."

"Do you think something happened to him?"

"I don't know Charlie. Why don't you go check on Claire?"

"I guess. You doing okay?"

"I am fine Charlie. Go check on Claire. I will take up your watch."

"Yea, sure."

Sayid watched Charlie get up and rub his neck.

"Charlie. Thank you."

"Yea mate. No problem."

***Sawyer POV***

Sawyer woke and looked around. It took a few minutes for him to realized where he was. After walking for a while, he'd sat down and watched the ocean. He must have fallen asleep at some point. Sawyer stood and stretched a little.

He debated going it alone but knew he wouldn't. As much as he didn't like being around people, he couldn't stand being alone. They were complete opposite ends of the same problem. Being around people gave you more chances to be hurt. Being alone meant you had no one but your own demons.

He supposed he had to go back sooner or later. Usually if people got too close or, if situations got to bad, he switched cities. There weren't many cities around here. "Looks like Beach Town it is," Sawyer said to himself. He turned and began heading back. While he walked he though about Sayid.

Sayid scared him on a lot of levels. If Sawyer let him in there was so much Sayid could do to hurt him. There was also a lot Sayid could do to hurt him even if Sawyer didn't let himself get close to Sayid. What Sawyer couldn't understand was why he wouldn't allow himself a chance to be happy. If he was going to get hurt either way, what's the point in not allowing yourself a little happiness.

Thinking about it Sawyer supposed it was because you can't miss something you never had. Whatever pain Sayid could cause him, wouldn't be half as bad if Sawyer didn't let himself fall for Sayid first. Some part of him wanted to believe Sayid would never hurt him like that. Sawyer tried to cling to that part, but couldn't.

What's it matter, he thought, Sayid won't understand what happened while he was gone. He's never going to believe me if I say I wanted it the first time but not the second time. Besides, if anyone else found out... He couldn't let that happen. He shook his head and continued walking.

Sawyer had made it back to the beach. He vaguely wondered if anyone even realized he'd been gone all night. Like who, his mind asked.  
Shove it, he told his mind. Rounding the last corner he saw Sayid sitting outside his tent. Sawyer frowned. He wasn't ready to face Sayid right now.

***Sayid POV***

Sayid noticed Sawyer at the edge of the camp, but he chose not to turn and look directly. He watched to see what Sawyer would do. Sawyer start walking forward again but then stopped. He was looking at something beyond where Sayid sat. Sayid shifted his eyes to find out what it was.

Jack was walking towards Sayid. He didn't doubt Jack was walking towards him because there was no one else on this side of the camp. Sawyer's tent lay at the furthest edge on this side. Damn it. Jack's timing couldn't have been worse if he'd planned it. From out of no where  
Charlie caught up to Jack.

After a few steps Jack stopped walking and turned to Charlie. They seemed to be discussing something. Charlie made a few gestures back up the beach and Jack glanced back in Sayid's direction. Sayid held his breath. After less than a minute Jack turned and walked back in the direction Charlie had been gesturing to.

"I owe Charlie," Sayid whispered quietly.

His eyes glanced back to Sawyer. Sawyer hadn't moved, he was standing in the same place watching what was happening. Sayid waited to see what Sawyer would do. Sawyer raised his head, pulled his shoulders back and walked towards his tent. Sayid hid a small smile and waited.

"You got the same view at your tent, you know."

"Actually, I don't. My tent is further in so I have others blocking my view."

"I bet if you asked them real nice they might move 'em for you. If they don't you can always tie 'em up til they do what you want."

Sayid finally turned and faced Sawyer directly.

"I might if I didn't think they would like it."

Sawyer's jaw clenched tightly. Sayid waited.

"Don't you have better things to do?"

"Actually, yes."

"Then why are you still here?"

"Because I wish to be, and because you wish me to be."

"Why don't you tell me what I said that made you think that so I don't say it again."

"I don't think so." Sayid stood. "You will be here after it is dark. I will come back and you and I are going to talk."

"What makes you think I'll be here?"

"Because you know what will happen if you aren't here."

Sayid walked off without another word.

***Charlie POV***

"Charlie," Jack said impatiently.

"I know what I saw mate."

"Well there's nothing there now. I have things to get back to Charlie."

"Yea, sorry I interrupted what ever it was you were doing."

"Don't worry about it."

I don't, Charlie thought to himself as he watched Jack leave. Hope that bought you enough time, Sayid.


	15. Chapter 15

Sawyer lay in his tent and wondered if was really going to stay or not. 'Because you know what will happen if you aren't here.' Sawyer cringed. The smug sureness in Sayid's tone hadn't made him feel any safer either. Maybe Sayid was tired of waiting and planned to just take him. Maybe Sayid just wanted to beat the crap out him. Maybe Sayid really meant he wanted to talk. Sawyer couldn't stop thinking about it.

"Where were you last night?"

Kate stood in his doorway holding the tarp open. The look on her face showed him how mad she was, in case he missed it in the tone of her voice. Sawyer closed his eyes and turned away from her.

"You're going to tell me where you were Sawyer. What if something had happened to you? Do you have any clue how worried I was? Do you know Charlie slept out here all night, waiting for you to get back?"

"What?" Sawyer whipped his head around to face Kate.

"And did you even bother to let anyone know you were back? No, I had to hear it from Charlie. Where were you?"

"I fell asleep."

"You fell asleep? What kind of answer is that? Where were you Sawyer?"

"Charlie slept here all night?"

"Answer me."

"I went for a walk, I sat down on the beach, I fell asleep. What do you want from me?"

"Why didn't you tell me when you got back? You didn't think I would be worried?"

"I wasn't trying to worry you." Sawyer said quietly.

"Then why not tell me when you got back?"

"Kate, I'm sorry. I should have. I got back and Sayid was at my tent. After I had to deal with that, I just didn't want to deal with anything else.  
I didn't mean for you to worry. I just couldn't stand to go out there again. It's been a rough morning, okay? Please don't be mad at me."  
Sawyer turned over onto his side, away from Kate.

"Sawyer."

He felt Kate's hand on his shoulder but refused to turn over. He couldn't deal with this. Charlie was so worried he stayed all night waiting. Kate was mad because she thought he might have gotten hurt. Sayid wanted... Whatever it was Sayid wanted. He couldn't take any more right now. Sawyer could feel the tears in his eyes.

"Sawyer. I'm sorry. It'll be okay."

Maybe it was because he'd been so wound up lately. Maybe it was because Charlie had worried enough to wait for him come back. Maybe it was because someone was being nice to him. Maybe it was because Kate was comforting him no matter how mad she was at him. Whatever it was, it was the last straw. Sawyer broke down and cried.

Sayid searched for Charlie. He wanted to thank him for helping this morning. He didn't find Charlie, but he did see Claire. She was lugging a suitcase across the beach. Sayid hoped things would work out well with her and Charlie. Sayid smiled, and walked over to where Claire was.

"Allow me," he said, taking the suitcase.

"Thanks." Claire smiled at him.

Sayid took a good look at her for the first time since they'd met. Claire was actually quite pretty and she had a beautiful smile. From what he knew of her she had a good personality as well. Sayid was happy for Charlie.

"Where would you like this?" he asked her.

"I'm just taking it to my place, just over there." Claire pointed to a place not far away.

"May I ask you a favor Claire?"

"Sure. What do you need?"

"Can you tell Charlie thank you for me?"

"Of course. Um, can I ask you something?"

"What do you wish to ask?"

"Um, what's going on?"

Sayid raised one eyebrow. "What do you mean by that?"

"I dunno. I know something's going on but no one wants to talk to me about it."

Sayid thought about what Claire said. It wasn't specific enough for him to figure out which thing she was talking about. There was a lot going on right now, some of it he couldn't talk about. Some of it he wouldn't talk about.

"Could be more specific?"

"For starters, why would Charlie be sleeping outside Sawyer's tent?"

Sayid tried to find a good answer. "Because I wished to know when Sawyer returned. He was there waiting for Sawyer to get back." Sayid didn't want to lie so he skirted the truth.

"Oh. Okay then." Claire said softly.

From the look on her face he knew she hadn't believed him.

"Truthfully, I did wish to know when Sawyer returned. I had no idea Charlie had stayed the night there until I showed up the next morning. I believe he had a disagreement with Sawyer earlier. I think he wanted to talk to Sawyer about it."

"What's been going on with Sawyer lately?"

"I believe he is dealing with some very personal matters."

Claire pressed her lips together. He knew she wanted more, but there wasn't anything else about Sawyer he could share.

"So what happened the other night in his tent?"

"Did Charlie tell you anything about it?"

"Not really. He just came over angry and wouldn't say much."

"What did he say about it?"

Claire studied him for a minute. "The only thing he said was if he saw you near Sawyer's tent again he'd hurt you."

"I tried to talk to Sawyer about his personal matters and it didn't go very well. Charlie was just trying to do the right thing. He meant well, but he didn't have the full story at the time. We've sorted through our differences since then."

"Why do you want me to tell him thanks?"

"He helped me with something very important this morning. I am very grateful."

"Thank you for talking to me Sayid."

"You're quite welcome Claire."


	16. Chapter 16

Sayid stopped as he neared Sawyer's tent and took a deep breath. He adjusted his pack as he stood there thinking. He'd realized what had been wrong with the first plan when Charlie had visited him last night. There was no way he could prove Sawyer could trust him with just words. Sawyer would always believe that when it came down to it, everyone would hurt him no matter what they said.

The only way prove Sawyer could trust him was to show him. Sayid hated what he was going to have to do, but there was no way around it. If he was going to reach Sawyer it had to be on familiar ground for Sawyer. He had to put in self in the same position as those who had hurt Sawyer and prove he wouldn't do the things they had. Sayid squared his shoulders and walked confidently into Sawyer's tent.

"You don't have to do this," Sawyer said softly.

"Yes, Sawyer, I do."

Sawyer was sitting with his legs up and his head on his knee's. His back was to Sayid and he hadn't bothered to look up when he spoke. Sayid's heart hurt for Sawyer. For what he'd been through, what he was still going through. At this moment Sayid hated himself for what he was about to do more than he had all day.

"Walk with me."

"Pfft. Like that worked out well last time?"

"Sawyer."

"Fine. Whatever."

***Sawyer POV***

They walked down the beach. Sawyer noted dimly it was the same way he'd walked last night when he needed time alone. Sawyer had actually packed and gotten ready to leave so he wouldn't be here when Sayid came. He just couldn't make himself do it. In the end he stayed mainly because he believe he deserved whatever Sayid was going to do to him.

Part of him still hoped Sayid really meant to talk. He couldn't bring himself to really believe that, though. Sayid was going to hurt him, he knew it. Hell, what's it matter? I deserve it anyways. Sawyer tried to push away the panic. Don't fight back, just don't fight back. It'll be over sooner if you don't fight it.

***Sayid POV***

Sayid watched Sawyer as they walked. He wished he had some clue as what Sawyer was thinking right now. Sawyer kept his head down and trudged forward slowly. Sayid let him set the pace. They had all night and he wasn't in a hurry to do this himself.

When they'd put a few miles between them and the camp he put a hand on Sawyer's arm. Sawyer jumped slightly but still didn't speak. Sayid gently guided him towards the forest. Sawyer kept his eyes on the ground and followed. Sayid was headed for a small clearing he'd found a few days ago.

When they reached the clearing he stopped. Sawyer took a few more steps and stopped walking and stood with his back to Sayid. Sayid was struck by how beautiful Sawyer looked right now, and took time to commit this image to memory before he began.

"Sawyer." Sayid worked to keep his tone just right.

"Yea?" Sawyer said quietly.

"Turn around."

Sawyer didn't move. "Please don't do this."

"Sawyer. Now." Sayid added emphasis in the last word without raising his voice.

Sawyer finally turned around. Sayid walked over and, grabbing Sawyer by the chin, he raised Sawyer's face to meet his. Sawyer jerked his head away. Sayid grabbed Sawyer's hair with one hand and jerked his head back. Sawyer started to struggle against it but stopped just as quickly.

"You will look at me." Sayid paused briefly before continuing. "You know what I want, don't you?"

"Yes." Sawyer's voice was barely more than a whisper.

Sayid leaned in and kissed Sawyer hard. He'd wanted to do this for so long he was angry that he couldn't enjoy it because of the circumstances. Angry at the people who made this the only way he could reach Sawyer. Angry at himself. Sayid grabbed at the anger and used it like a shield to help him through this.

When he finally broke off the kiss he shoved Sawyer to the ground and straddled him. Sayid pulled his pack off and set it to the side. He grabbed Sawyer's hands and pulled them above Sawyer's head before kissing him roughly again. Sawyer's heart was starting to race faster. When Sayid broke off the kiss this time he reached into the pack. Sayid pulled out some rope and felt Sawyer tense under him.

"No, don't, please. I won't fight. Please don't."

Sayid held Sawyer as he struggled and tied Sawyer's hands together. Sawyer continued to plead as he fought against Sayid. Sayid maintained a controlled grip on his anger to keep himself in the right head space. He wouldn't be able to do this otherwise. As soon as he had Sawyer's hands bound he held Sawyer's head in both hands and leaned close.

"You will do whatever I want you to do. You get no say in this."

"Please. You don't have to tie me up. I won't fight it, please."

"Open your eyes Sawyer."

"Please."

"Open them. You will look at me."

Sawyer slowly opened them and Sayid had hard time not cringing at the fear he saw in them. It was hard to remember he hadn't been the one that had caused all the fear he saw in those eyes. Sayid let go of Sawyer's head. He reached out with one hand and ran it down the side of Sawyer's face. Sawyer jerked away at the touch.

"Who do you belong to Sawyer?"

Sawyer shut his eyes tightly and and started shaking.

"Who, Sawyer? Tell me!"

"You," Sawyer said quietly.

"And what is my name?"

"Please."

"Say it Sawyer."

"Sayid," Sawyer whispered.

"Good. Maybe if you're really good I'll even untie you later."

Sawyer started shaking harder.

"Do you know what I want?"

Sawyer nodded.

"You will answer me when I ask you a question. Do you know what I want?"

"Yes."

"And what do I want?"

"Me."

"And there's nothing you can do to stop me from taking you is there?"

"No."

The defeat in Sawyer's voice threatened to break through the anger Sayid was shielding himself with. Sayid shook it off before that could happen. Sawyer had to learn he could trust Sayid. He raised Sawyer's shirt and ran his fingers down Sawyer's side. Sawyer started to struggle again.

"You will be still. You will lay there and take whatever I want you to. Do you understand me?"

Sawyer stopped struggling but was still shaking. Sitting on top of Sawyer he could feel how hard Sawyer had gotten. It didn't surprise Sayid. If the people Sawyer had been with had done things like this before they fucked him, then it was natural Sawyer would associate anger and violence with sex.

"You will keep your hands above your head. Do not move unless I move you. Do you understand me?"

"Yes."

"And who am I?"

"You know who you are."

Sayid shuddered slightly recalling the last time he'd heard Sawyer say those words.

"What is my name? Say it Sawyer."

"Sayid."

"Who do you belong to Sawyer?"

"You."

Sayid slid down and began unbuttoning Sawyer's pants. He had no intentions of taking Sawyer. He was prepared for it if it happened, he just didn't think it would. He planned to wait until this was over and Sawyer came to him. He wanted it to be Sawyer's decision. Still he had to put himself in the same category as the people who hurt Sawyer and show Sawyer that he wasn't going to. It was a fine line to walk.

Sayid slid Sawyer's pants down. He wasn't surprised Sawyer wasn't wearing underwear. It wasn't a piece of clothing you wanted to steal out of someone else's luggage. He found himself wondering if Sawyer wore it before the plane crash. Before you had to depend on what other people had packed.

"Please don't hurt me."

"If I decide to hurt you I will. It is my decision to make."

"Yes sir."  
Sayid pondered that. Did the people that hurt Sawyer make him call them sir? He pulled the anger he felt for those people closer to himself.

Yes, he would make them suffer someday. Sayid moved himself back up Sawyer's body until he was sitting on Sawyer's hips again. He did his best to ignore how good Sawyer felt beneath him.

***Sawyer POV***

Please, Sawyer yelled in his own mind. You said you wouldn't hurt me. You said you wouldn't. His mind replayed every time Sayid had said he didn't want to hurt him when Sayid had him tied to the tree. You knew better, the logical part of his mind whispered. Shut it, he yelled back at it.

He felt the tears in his eyes but couldn't bring himself to care. He just wanted this to be over. He didn't have to tie me up. I wouldn't have fought. Why did he have to tie me up again? Because you told him you didn't like it, his mind answered. Shut it, he yelled back at his mind. Please just let this end. Please.

"Sawyer."

Sawyer opened his eyes. He tried to answer but his voice wouldn't work. He's going to hurt me if I don't answer, he thought. He's going to hurt me no matter what. He didn't want to believe Sayid would be like everyone else. It was hard to deny it at this point.

"What is my name Sawyer?"

Sawyer tried to say it, but his voice still didn't work. He started to panic, fearing what Sayid was going to do to him for not answering.

"Sawyer, what is my name?"

"Sayid," Sawyer managed.

Sawyer finally managed to say it. He was still terrified of being punished for Sayid having to ask twice. George hated having to tell him to do something twice. George wasn't a skilled torture. Sayid could hurt him much worse.

"And I can do anything I want to you can't I?"

"Yes."

Sawyer flinched when he felt Sayid's hands touch his stomach. Sayid's hands slid up to his chest. The touch was soft and almost comforting. It didn't match with what Sawyer knew. Sawyer felt the pressure on his hips lessen as Sayid moved. Sayid's hands gripped his arms and turned Sawyer over until he was laying on his stomach.

Don't fight, don't fight, don't fight, he chanted to himself. He couldn't help it. He promised himself this wouldn't happen again. Terrified, Sawyer rebelled and tried to fight back. Sayid was suddenly straddling Sawyer's back and holding his arms firmly down.

"No please. You promised!"

***Sayid POV***

The words cut deeper than a knife. Sayid almost lost his grip on Sawyer's arms.

"Sawyer." Sayid said softly.

Sawyer didn't respond.

"Sawyer."

"What does it matter? You're going to hurt me no matter what I do."

"Sawyer, what is my name?"

Sawyer didn't answer.

"Say it Sawyer."

"Why?"

"Because I need to know that you know who I am."

"You're going to hurt me no matter what."

"Say it Sawyer."

"Sayid."

"I am not going to hurt you."

"Yes you are."

"No Sawyer."

Sawyer didn't answer. He knew better. Why else would Sayid bring him out here and tie him up? Sayid was lying again.

"Sawyer."

"If you're not going to hurt me, let me go."

Sayid release his grip on Sawyer's arms but didn't move off of Sawyer's back.

"I will move if you promise to stay and hear what I have to say."

"You're lying. You just want me to think you won't hurt me."

"Then what do you have to lose? All I ask is for you to stay and listen."

Sawyer thought about it. What _did_ he have to lose? Either Sayid was telling the truth or not. If Sayid was lying to him what difference did it make?

"Fine."

"Promise me Sawyer."

"Yes."

"You will stay and listen until I tell you everything?"

"Yes."


	17. Chapter 17

Sayid moved off of Sawyer slowly. He watched Sawyer turn over. Sawyer laid there for a while before sitting up. Sayid put a hand out to help Sawyer stand, and Sawyer eyed him suspiciously.

"Take my hand."

Sawyer did, and Sayid pulled Sawyer up. He bent down and help Sawyer get his pants back on. Sayid used a hand to gesture for Sawyer to sit back down. When he finally sat Sayid sat down across from him.

"I didn't do this to hurt you Sawyer. I did this because you would not listen any other way. I am sorry I had to do things this way. I never wanted to hurt you."

Sayid waited but Sawyer didn't speak.

"I need you to know that you can trust me. That I will not do what everyone else has done to you. That I will not hurt you like they have."

Sawyer held out his still bound arms. Sayid sighed and reached for the pack.

"I am sorry about that." He pulled out a knife and cut the ropes.

Sawyer rubbed his wrists and pulled his legs up. He crossed his arms over his knees.

"I could have done anything Sawyer. I could have hurt you. I could have taken you. I didn't though. I told you I don't want to hurt you. I care for you very much. I will never lie to you. I will never hurt you on purpose. I will never take you against your will. I need you to trust me Sawyer."

"You tied me up."

"You would not listen unless I did things the way I did them."

Sawyer didn't answer.

"Sawyer, I care for you. I want to help you. I need you to open up to me. I need you to trust me."

"You did something to me I specifically said I couldn't deal with."

"Yes."

"You want me to trust you?"

"Yes."

"No."

"I realize that you have a reasons not to trust people. I realize that you've been hurt before. I won't do that to you. I will never hurt you on purpose, but if you don't open up to me I may end up hurting you on accident."

Sawyer laid his head down on his arms and made no attempt to respond.

"Sawyer-"

"What is it with you people?" Sawyer jerked his head back up and glared at Sayid.

"What?"

"Why do you both think you can do whatever you want and I won't have a problem with it? Enough's enough."

"Both?"

"Nevermind."

"Sawyer, what do you mean by both?"

"Don't worry about it."

"Don't tell me not to worry about this! I spent most of my time here trying to find a way to get you to trust me! To open up to me! I've done everything I could to try to make you feel safe! You will tell me who is hurting you!"

"No, I won't."

"Yes, you will."

"No. You can't do anything about it. This conversation is over. Let it go Sayid."

"No."

"You can't do anything about it Sayid."

"What makes you so sure?"

"Because it's my fault it happened."

"How so?"

"I asked for it."

"Excuse me?"

"I don't know. I... I guess I was having a bad week or something. Maybe it was a nightmare. Maybe I just felt like I needed to be hurt for some reason." Sawyer shrugged his shoulders and paused. He knew exactly why he'd asked to be hurt. He felt bad about not telling Sayid he didn't have the inhalers to start with. If he had maybe Sayid wouldn't have had to feel guilty for hurting him. He didn't want to tell Sayid that just yet.

Sayid didn't move or say a word. He was afraid if he spoke then Sawyer might stop.

"Whatever happened, I asked him to hurt me. He didn't approach me first. I came onto him. I didn't think he'd fuck me. I thought maybe he'd beat the crap out of me for asking."

Sawyer paused again and Sayid waited for him to continue.

"I was surprised when he agreed but I figured, hey whatever, this works too. He asked me what exactly I wanted, and I told him. He did exactly that. It was okay for a while. Then he came back after a few days and wanted me to fuck him again."

Sayid struggled not to move. He wanted to do so many things right now. To ask so many questions. He also knew that doing anything right now would make Sawyer stop telling him what happened.

"I couldn't say no."

"Why couldn't you say no Sawyer?" Sayid asked softly

"I can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"Because then you'd know who he is. Please Sayid."

"Tell me."

"No, don't do this Sayid."

Sayid frowned. If he pushed this Sawyer wouldn't tell him and he would lose any trust Sawyer had in him. Still, he had to find out who this person was. He stared at Sawyer while he thought about it.

Sawyer stood slowly and turned around. Sayid stood up and got ready to grab Sawyer if he ran. Sawyer didn't run though. He just stood there with his back to Sayid.

"Sawyer?" He kept his voice soft trying not to agitate Sawyer further.

"He said he'd tell you about us. That he'd tell you everything about what we did."

"What?"

"He knew how I felt about you. He said if I didn't agree he would tell you about me and him. I didn't want you to know I liked being hurt. I didn't want you to know I was with him. I just didn't want you to know."

"Why?"

"At first? I didn't think you'd ever want to be with me. Later? I don't know. I guess I just didn't want you to think there was something wrong with me."

"Who is it Sawyer?" Sayid asked gently.

"If I tell you, you'll hurt him."

Sawyer turned around and looked Sayid in his eyes.

"Please don't push this. Just... Could you just hold me? Please?"

"Of course."

Sayid gently pulled Sawyer down to sit on the ground then put his arms around him. Sawyer looked so fragile at that moment. Later he would figure out who hurt Sawyer. Later he would make that person pay. Later. For now he would comfort Sawyer.

"Sayid."

"Yes, Sawyer."

"Just so you know. I don't dream about lollipops and gumdrops."

Sayid smiled.

"Shhh Sawyer. It's going to be okay. Shhh."


	18. Chapter 18

It was still a long way before dawn when they arrived back at the beach. A very annoyed and angry looking Kate was waiting for them at Sawyer's tent. When they walked up Kate slapped Sayid.

"Kate," Sawyer said quietly.

Kate walked closer until she was nose to nose with Sayid.

"What were you doing with him out there? Why didn't you tell anyone? Who do you think you are that you can just-"

"Kate," said Sawyer again.

"No, he doesn't get off that easy. With everything he's done to you?"

"Everything _I've_ done to him?"

"Sayid, Kate. Please don't do this.

"What's going on out here?"

Kate and Sayid turned towards the voice at the same time. Sawyer flinched. In a matter of seconds Sayid was sure of three things. The voice belonged to Locke, Locke knew what was going on out here, and Locke was the person who'd been hurting Sawyer.

Without warning Sayid walked forward and hit Locke. For Sayid it was simple. Locke had caused Sawyer pain. He would make Locke suffer.

Sawyer was suddenly between them.

"Don't do this. Please just let this go."

"Let this go?" Sayid stared at Sawyer in disbelief.

Locke wiped away the blood from his split lip and laughed.

"After everything he still chose me. How's that feel, Sayid?

***Sawyer POV***

Sawyer snapped. He just couldn't take anymore. He was tired of being scared, tired of hiding this, tired of blaming himself for everything. Tired of being tired. Sawyer turned and decked Locke. Sawyer walked over to where Locke lay and looked down at him.

"Don't you ever come near me again. The next time you come near me, I'll kill you. Do you understand me? I'll kill you! You will never, never touch me again!"

***Sayid POV***

Kate started to reach for Sawyer but Sayid stopped her.

"Don't," he said to her.

"What in the hell is going on here?" Kate yelled at Sayid.

"Wait," Sayid told her.

"Stay. Away. From. Me. Or so help me, I will kill you."

"Sawyer?"

Claire, Sayid thought to himself. God, not now. He let go of Kate and turned to stop Claire from getting too close. Before he'd taken two steps  
Charlie came up behind Claire and stopped her. Sayid glanced at Charlie who nodded at him. He turned his attention back to Sawyer.

***Sawyer***

Sawyer couldn't deal with this. He looked around. He saw Claire first then Charlie right next to her. He wasn't sure what to make of the look on her face but he knew it wasn't good. If everyone already hates me, then what's it matter? Could they hate him more than they already did? Sawyer turned and walked off.

***Sayid***

"Sawyer!"

Kate started after him, but Sayid held her back.

"Not now," he whispered in her ear.

"Let me go!" Kate yelled at him.

"Not now," he repeated.

Sayid stared at Locke, who hadn't stood up yet, then walked over.

"If you ever come near him again, he will not kill you. I will take you into the jungle and make you wish I had let him kill you. Leave now and don't let me catch you anywhere near him again."

Sayid turned back to Kate and reached his hand out. As soon as Kate took it he led her in the direction which Sawyer had taken off in. Sawyer would need a friend. Sayid would make sure no one would hurt Sawyer ever again. He would make sure Sawyer felt safe.

***Charlie***

"Charlie? What's going on?"

At first Charlie wasn't sure himself. He'd been asleep when it had all started. The yelling had woken him up. When he came out and heard Sawyer yelling that Locke wouldn't touch him ever again, he began to get an idea about what happened. Charlie almost started to tell Claire what happened but stopped.

He thought about lying but wasn't sure if he could do that. When he looked at her face he knew there was no way he could ever lie to her. Claire was pregnant. She trusted him to take care of her. He owed her the truth. So he told her.

***Kate***

"Sawyer?" Kate peered into Sayid's tent.

"I didn't have anywhere else to go. Sorry," he muttered irritably.

Kate turned and looked at Sayid. He had asked if she would talk to Sawyer about what happened. 'I think he needs you more than me right now,' Sayid had said. 'He's going to need a good friend right now. That would be you.'

"I don't think Sayid's going to mind. Can I come in?"

Sawyer shrugged. Kate walked in and sat next to him. After a little bit she nudged his shoulder with hers. Sawyer smiled half-heartedly at her.

***Sawyer***

"So, anything interesting happen to you last night?"

Sawyer looked at her and the corners of his mouth started to turn upwards.

"As a matter of fact I think maybe there was something."

"Yea?"

"Yep."

***Sayid***

Sayid sat outside his tent letting Sawyer take all the time he needed. Everyone needed a good friend every now and then. Sawyer was his and no one was going to come between them. He would never let anyone hurt Sawyer ever again. Sawyer would learn to trust him completely eventually. If only for just this one moment, everything was right with the world.


	19. Chapter 19

Everyone was gathered around the fire. Most people were laughing at the latest story. Some were trying to tell the next story, some were sitting happily just listening. It had been Sawyer's idea. He'd been worried about what would happen if he told anyone who had hurt him here. Sayid gazed around the group gathered here.

Locke was here and Sayid still wanted to make him suffer. The only thing keeping him from doing anything was Sawyer. Sawyer had agreed to see if they could make something work between them if he would agree not to do anything to Locke. In the end Sayid had only agreed with the stipulation that Locke never did anything else to Sawyer again. If he did then he would be fair game.

After the night when everything had been discovered, Sawyer had been moody and hard to talk to. Not that he'd been all that easy to talk to before. After almost a week Sawyer approached him with the idea. It started with gathering everyone who knew about what had taken place and explaining the events that had happened better. After that, the five of them, Claire, Charlie, Kate, Sawyer and Sayid had continued meeting in the evenings.

During one meeting Boone had shown up and demanded to know what they were doing. They told him they were just talking. A way to pass the time. It had been uncomfortable at first, but pretty soon Boone was coming over every night as well. They didn't talk about anything in particular now. Mainly they just talked about themselves, things they had done, things they wished they had done.

When Hurley had shown and there wasn't enough room in the tent, it had been Sawyer who had suggested moving their group to the signal fire. Pretty soon most of the camp began dropping by. Sometimes there were so many conversations it was hard to get a word into any of them. Sometimes everyone would just sit enjoying the company of the others. It was helping everyone get to know each other better.

***Sawyer***

Walking over to Sayid, Sawyer wondered if he was really ready for this. Even if he wasn't he had to try. Now was the perfect opportunity. Everyone was sitting around the fire talking. They would probably stay preoccupied for a few more hours. No one would miss them all that much right now. Besides, he wanted to try this when things were going well and not wait until something bad happened again.

Sawyer watched Sayid watching the crowd. Sawyer was amazed that everyone had taken to the idea. After Boone and Hurley had joined the group they'd had to move the gatherings to the signal fire. More people started showing up and soon it became a nightly ritual. They gathered sometime close to dusk and stayed as long as they wanted talking to each other. Most of the time neither he nor Sayid had much to add to the gatherings. He walked over to Sayid and whispered to him.

***Sayid***

Sayid stared at Sawyer and raised one eyebrow. Sawyer smiled and walked off towards Sayid's tent. He left the man to follow or not. It was now or never. He wasn't sure he could find the courage to do this again. When he entered Sayid's tent he sat on the blanket and waited. He tried to keep himself from thinking about the past. It was a hard thing to do.

Sayid checked to make sure no one would notice him leave. As soon as he was sure he left. Walking towards his tent wondering what Sawyer was up to. They usually ended up together after the gatherings. They were working on trust slowly. They started by sleeping next to each other. At first Sawyer hadn't been able to sleep with Sayid next to him so they made the bed bigger to give Sawyer more space. Soon  
Sawyer couldn't sleep if Sayid wasn't next to him, holding him.

Sayid walked into his tent and looked at Sawyer. Once again he was struck by how beautiful he was. Mine, the possessive part of him whispered. Sayid smiled again, yes, he thought to himself. Sawyer was his and he was going to do everything he could to help his love. Sayid walked over and sat next to Sawyer.

He had just opened his mouth to say something but before he could get the words out Sawyer's lips were pressed to his. Whatever he was going to say fled, for a minute there was only him and Sawyer. When Sawyer finally broke the kiss and leaned back, Sayid still couldn't move. God he loved how Sawyer tasted. Sayid gathered his senses back and tried to speak again. Sawyer cut him off.

"No words. Just take me. Please, just do it."

"Are you really ready for this?"

"Yes. Now. Just do it, please."

As soon as Sayid started taking off his own clothes, Sawyer started to as well. When they were both naked Sawyer laid down on the blankets on his stomach. Sayid took time to commit this image to his memory. Sawyer was beautiful. When Sayid grabbed Sawyer's shoulder and started to turn him over, he saw a confused look on the blonde's face. Sayid paused and nuzzled Sawyer's neck.

"Would you like to tell me why now?"

"No."

"Tough."

"Mmm... No words. Just take me. I need you, please. Talk after."

"Promise me." Sayid insisted.

"Mmm... Promise... Later."

Sayid gently grabbed Sawyer's shoulders again and turned him over until Sawyer was laying on his back. He ignored the questioning look on Sawyer's face and set about memorizing every detail. They'd slept next to each other for a while now. Still, in all that time Sawyer hadn't been comfortable enough to be completely naked. Sayid didn't mind, he knew it would take a while to get past the demons that haunted him.

Sayid watched as Sawyer's hands moved. Sawyer seemed torn between raising his hands to cover himself and not moving at all. Sayid watched him struggle for a while before he carefully grabbed Sawyer's wrists and held Sawyer's arms still by his sides. Sawyer looked decidedly uncomfortable.

Sayid carefully slid down against Sawyer's body and nuzzled his neck again. Sawyer shivered underneath. Sayid trailed soft kisses from Sawyer's neck, up the back of his ear, and across his cheek to his mouth. He moved his hands up Sawyer's arms slowly. He loved the way Sawyer felt underneath him. Loved the small shivers he felt. Loved knowing he was causing them. Sawyer had enough bad experiences with this before. He intended to make this a good experience for Sawyer.

***Sawyer***

Sawyer lay snuggled against Sayid's left side when it was over. Sayid ran his hands through Sawyer's hair. Sawyer had his head on Sayid's shoulder. He looked so amazing laying there that Sayid couldn't help staring. He wished they could lie like that forever. Wished the world would pass them by and never interrupt this moment. Sawyer looked the most contented he had since Sayid had met him.

"Thank you," Sawyer murmured into Sayid's shoulder.

"Would you like to tell me why you wanted to do this now?"

"Not really."

"Sawyer."

Sawyer shifted and turned so that he was facing Sayid. Sawyer raised a hand and trailed his fingers from Sayid's temple, down his cheek and across the bottom edge of his chin. After Sawyer put his arm back down he snuggled back into Sayid.

"I suppose we have to talk now."

"I would appreciate it."

Sawyer sighed. "Because I could."

"Could what?"

"Because I was the least scared of this I've ever been. Because I wanted to prove to myself you wouldn't hurt me. Because I felt bad you had to wait this long. Because I knew everyone would be too busy to notice we weren't there. Mainly just because I could do this right now. You know what I mean?"

"Yes Sawyer." Sayid smiled. "Did it help you realize I won't hurt you?"

"Yes. I mean, part of me knew it. It's just some part was still scared."

"I understand."

"Sleep now?"

"If you like."

"Mmm, sleep."

Sayid laughed. "Sleep well, my love."

***Later / Sayid***

Sayid's eye's opened instantly. The first thing he noticed was the absence of Sawyer's body next to his own. Sayid turned his head trying to find Sawyer. Sawyer was at the far edge of the blankets curled into a ball and shaking. Sayid edged near Sawyer and reached a hand out.  
Sawyer jerked away from the touch and started to whimper. Sayid sighed. He hated it when Sayer had these dreams.

Carefully Sayid place an arm over Sawyer's body. Sawyer started to struggle and tried to shove the arm off but couldn't because he was pinned. Sayid held Sawyer firmly and tried to keep him from moving. Sometimes Sawyer struck out in his sleep. One time he'd gotten in a few good hits at Sayid. Sayid shrugged them off but it hadn't been a pleasant experience for either of them.

Still holding Sawyer, Sayid whispered to him. It wasn't anything specific. It didn't have to be. Sawyer never remembered anything except the nightmares. Sayid asked him about them every time Sawyer had one, but Sawyer wouldn't talk about them. Sayid didn't push him to talk about them. They would just lay there together. In time, Sawyer would either fall back asleep, or they would lay together until the sun came up.

After a while the struggling stopped and Sawyer's eyes flew open. Sayid watched him until he was sure Sawyer was awake. As soon as he was sure Sawyer knew where he was and that he was safe, Sayid released him. Sayid moved to give Sawyer some space. For a while Sawyer didn't move. Finally Sawyer turned and faced him.

"Sayid."

"I am here."

Sawyer didn't say anything else but Sayid wasn't worried. Sawyer had told him that sometimes, after a nightmare, he just needed to hear Sayid. It helped push back whatever demons were left and let him know he really was safe. It wasn't too long before Sayid felt Sawyer snuggle into him. After a brief moment Sawyer reached out and pulled Sayid's arm over himself.

After a nightmare there were times when Sawyer didn't want to be touched and times when he needed it. It was best if he let Sawyer initiate contact after he had a nightmare. That way no mistakes would be made. He nuzzled the back of Sawyer's neck and kissed it.

"I am here. It's okay."

"Sayid?"

"Yes Sawyer?"

"I'm sorry about all this."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. It's not your fault."

"I feel like it is."

"Don't blame yourself for what others have done to you."

"I can't help it sometimes."

"I know."

"Sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for Sawyer. Would you like to talk about this one?"

At first there was no response, then Sawyer slowly removed Sayid's arm. Sawyer moved away and turned to face Sayid.

"I... I don't know."

"You don't have to if you don't feel comfortable."

"I just don't want you to be mad."

"Why would I be mad?"

"Promise me you won't hurt me."

"You know I won't. Sawyer, what's wrong?"

"Just promise me again, please."

"I promise you I will not hurt you, nor will I let anyone else."

Sawyer still seemed hesitant to talk about it.

"I promise you I will never hurt you on purpose no matter what. Especially not because of anything you dreamed about."

"I dreamed about you." Sawyer stated quietly.

"About me?"

"Yea. About the night when everything happened."

Sayid was silent. He knew the night Sawyer was talking about. He also knew what he'd done that night. He had a good idea about what had  
happened in Sawyer's nightmare.

"I know you won't hurt me," Sawyer said quickly. "It's just that it's still kind of hard to accept."

"I understand Sawyer."

"In the dream things were different. In the dream you didn't stop when you did. You kept hurting me and I couldn't stop you. I begged and begged for you to stop, but you wouldn't. You just kept hurting me." Sawyer looked away.

"Sawyer-"

"I know it was a dream, I'm not saying you'd do that. Please don't be mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you Sawyer. You're used to being hurt. Some part of you is still scared I might hurt you like everyone else. It's okay to be scared. Trust is not something that happens over night."

"I do trust you. You have to know that, right?"

"That does not mean you can't be scared."

"I don't want to be scared any more Sayid."

Sayid stared at Sawyer. There was less than three feet separating them. So close and yet so far away. I'd give anything to spare him even one of these nightmares.

"I feel like I'm fucking up everything. I feel like it's all my fault some how. I..." Sawyer's words trailed off in the darkness.

"Sawyer, what is it you need?"

"I don't know. Would you just hold me?"

"Of course."


End file.
